


The Old and the New

by hedakomskaikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, Fix-it fic, Happy Ending, Happy times, Lexa is Alive, i mean i think it's minor..., i would like to say canon compliant but, post CoL, there's also a bit of minor smut, they are both gloriously alive, until 3.06, well yeah a bit canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6229174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedakomskaikru/pseuds/hedakomskaikru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The City of Light is destroyed and Clarke and Lexa now live in peace, as they should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Please ignore the plotholes. The 100 has A LOT of them and I couldn't really fix them in one sitting.
> 
> The first chapter is dedicated to Juliette who asked me to write a long one shot, but I got a lot of requests to continue the story so... I'm continuing it. <3

"Why do you always draw me when I'm asleep?"

Clarke looked up from rubbing the tip of her middle finger from shading a part of Lexa's cheekbones, the high arch of them something Clarke had itched to put into paper as soon as she was able. She only smiled sheepishly, before replying with, "I'll be done in a bit. Keep pretending you're asleep."

Lexa exhaled slowly, but instead of staying still she shifted so she was closer to Clarke, forehead pressing to Clarke's hip while she drew. Clarke smiled softly, staring at the young woman breathe a few times before going back to the sketchpad in her lap.

It was nearing three months since the war ended. Their people were united once again and the coalition restored. It had been an anticlimactic end having to fight off an AI while their actual bodies remained in the real world. It ended with the warriors from the different clans waking up in a battlefield.

The coalition had fractured to the ones who still believed in Lexa and the ones who didn't. As there were only four clans now who had willingly sided with the Trikru, Lexa's army was falling. But a wave of frequency burst from the City of Light and all the warriors' consciousness, including Lexa and Clarke's, who were at the location of the mainframe of the City of Light, were sucked into the City of Light.

It took the combined efforts of Raven, Monty and Wick, but they were able to neutralize the AI. With their consciousness stuck in the City of Light, the AI was free to do as it wished in the real world, already locking codes to redo what it did 97 years ago.

But with the three geniuses, they were able to hack into the system and redirect the missiles to the compound where the mainframe of the City of Light stood. And with the reawakening of the warriors and the rest of the people in the real world, came the nuclear blast that shook the world once again. Only this time, the target was the cause of the missiles. And hopefully, it's the last of it's kind.

Three days after the Reckoning, as it would be called from that day on, Lexa and the others who had risked the dangers of the waters to venture to what was known as the City of Light arrived. They were beaten and bloody, and they barely escaped their decision to destroy the place where they were in to save the rest of the world. But they arrived by the shores to the surprise of Trikru who stood by waiting for their Heda's return.

And seeing Wanheda supporting their commander as they got off the boats made them kneel.

So Clarke found herself in Polis now, her presence accepted, her relationship with the commander respected. The Skaikru have been welcomed because of their role in stopping ALIE, and the clans were once again united, this time, ruled by two leaders.

"You think too loud, _hodnes_."

Clarke smiled, making the last few touches on her sketch of the commander. One of many she'd made in the past few months. She put it aside to slide down beside Lexa, who still had her eyes closed. If the brunette wasn't smiling slightly, anyone would have thought she was sleeping.

"Are you going to give me one of your one-liner wisdoms now?"

Lexa's lips stretched into a real smile, and she slowly opened her eyes to meet Clarke's briefly, green eyes shining with affection, before hiding beneath her eyelids again. "You don't seem to like me talking." Lexa shifted in her pillow, burrowing further. Clarke realized it was to hide a blush. "And you have odd ways of keeping me silent."

Clarke grinned at that. A few days before they had met up with Raven and Monty to discuss how they were going to power Polis. Electricity was the first order of business for pair and they had been working on establishing electrical lines throughout Polis with the held of the grounders. Scouts were able to venture farther and farther from Polis because of the distinct lack of war among the clans, and they always brought someone form the ark with them to identify possible salvageable equipment. About a month and a half prior, electrical wires were found somewhere northwest.

The meeting was held in the presence of Abby and Kane who were co-chancellors of Arkadia, and Octavia who was there as Lexa's guard with two others who were probably a foot taller than her, while Indra had been sent as one of the scout teams currently outside of Polis.

It wasn't so much the meeting that bothered Lexa. They had been discussing how to install the wires in parts of the city that were still wary of changes the Skaikru were proposing. Unfortunately, Monty and Raven had a tendency to go off tangent and start talking about resistors and tranducers and how they should go about fixing everything. It was probably a compensatory mechanism. They hardly were able to talk about it, so when they were together, they let their genius loose.

Clarke had noticed Lexa starting to get annoyed, hands that were clasped behind her back tightening. It had been a long day for the commander, having met up with the Azgeda who was one of three clans who were dealing with coups within their midst. Her mind was cluttered with the problems of the clans and Lexa had no patience for the tangents Monty and Raven were going into.

The rest of the people in the meeting had already noticed, and Monty and Raven slowed their arguing to look at a Lexa whose jaw was flexing in tension. Lexa was getting ready to start a tirade, when Clarke had, for reasons unknown to the commander, leaned into her to place a quick kiss to her cheek.

Lexa had blinked in surprise, before a blush started to rise from her neck to her cheeks. They weren't ones for public displays of affection. And while this wasn't exactly public and they were only in the presence of the leaders of Skaikru and a few of Lexa's guards, it was enough for Lexa to feel anxious about the tiny gesture. Abby and Kane both looked away, Octavia's lips twitched as she stared at Clarke, Monty had the decency to raise a hand to cover his grin, and Raven, who did not give a shit, actually guffawed.

Lexa had only grumbled a tiny "Clarke", mortified, before Clarke was dismissing the meeting, telling them they were putting the matter on the table for another day. She'd glared at Raven so she would stop laughing, but the mechanic only replied with a "Bye, commander. Bye, Princess." completley unrepentant.

"So you don't like how I do it?" Clarke teased, leaning in to place that same tiny kiss to the commander's cheek, making Lexa bury deeper into her pillow to further hide her blush.

"Clarke," Lexa whined. "Stop."

"That's silly. I mean I was kissing somewhere much lower last night-"

"Clarke!"

"And you weren't telling me to st- Ah!" Clarke yelped, but then laughed as she found herself on her back with a very naked Lexa on top of her.

"Mockery-"

"Is not a product of a strong mind, _Clarke_."

Lexa raised an eyebrow, before she tugged at the hem of the long shirt Clarke decided to put on before she started to draw. Clarke complied and heard Lexa hum when it revealed that Clarke had only donned that one piece of clothing.

"So… oh."

Clarke watched as Lexa ducked to dip her tongue into her navel, hands already sliding to Clarke's thighs as the brunette slid down the bed to allow herself space to kiss Clarke even lower. Lexa smelled the scent of the bath soaps they'd used the night before, having taken the time to explore each other's bodies even underneath the water.

While Clarke was the type of lover who teased mercilessly until Lexa experienced an explosive orgasm, Lexa was the type to move towards her destination without preamble, and relentlessly coax as many orgasms as she could out of Clarke.

It was a pattern they were getting used to.

So it was no surprise to Clarke when Lexa's lips were suddenly around her clit, tongue flicking. Clarke's own mouth parted, breath escaping her as she felt Lexa start to suck, and her hands fisted on the bed when she felt two fingers enter her.

"Lexa…"

"Wanheda."

Clarke immediately looked at the door where a gruff voice called for her name. Rafa, one of Lexa's main guards. He was always the one knocking whenever there was anyone who was there for either of them. Clarke placed a hand on top of Lexa's head to prompt her in case Lexa didn't hear, loathe as she was for them to actually stop.

"What is it, Rafa?" The end of her question was a little more high-pitched than usual, and she felt Lexa shake from laughter against her thighs. The commander had nipped lightly at her clit. She was about to pull Lexa up, but then she felt fingers curling inside of her, and all Clarke managed was a sudden exhale of breath.

"The next group of Skaikru are outside awaiting assignments for scouting missions. Boudalankru and Trishanakru have also sent their scouts."

Clarke swallowed down a moan when she felt Lexa's lips finally let go of her clit, only to press the pad of her tongue against it in a long, slow lick.

"Wanheda?"

"Tell them to wait!"

With the shouted command, Lexa, _the fucking tease_ , actually stopped, withdrawing her fingers and lifting her head enough to stare up at her lover, chin glistening with Clarke's wetness, and a smug smile on her lips. Clarke glared at her, placing a hand on top of Lexa's head again to push her back. "Finish what you started, Lexa, or I swear-"

Clarke cried out when she felt three fingers slide easily into her, her eyes rolling back as she felt lips wrap around her clit again, sucking languidly.

She would reprimand the commander about propriety later.

* * *

"I'm just glad winter has already passed."

Clarke nodded as she pored over the map of Polis, studying how best to approach the part of the city most adamant at keeping to their ways. "We kept warm enough," Clarke tried to offer, frowning as she studied the different side streets that needed to be cleared to allow the installation of the electrical lines.

Monty smiled a little. "Easy for you to say."

Raven nodded, tinkering with a small circuit that was supposed to be a prototype for how they were going to connect one part of the city to the next to make repair easier. "Yeah. You had the commander to warm you up."

Clarke's head snapped up, eyes narrowing at them both.

Monty raised both his hands in a supplication. "That wasn't what I meant. The commander's tower-"

"It's what we meant, Monty."

Clarke released a breath through her nose. "What's the problem?"

"I'm not a fan of your fuck buddy. She maybe a good commander, but I don't trust her not to sacrifice our people. I'm playing along because I trust Abby and Kane, Clarke, but Lexa hasn't really proven anything." Raven said all this like she was talking about the weather, only looking up when she was done talking, eyes daring Clarke to defy her.

Clarke didn't even have to ask where Raven was coming from. There were still a significant number of people from Arkadia who were wary of the coalition, despite the increased amount of food they were getting through trade, and the warm shelter during the winter when Polis had opened its walls for some of the Skaikru families who wanted a place to stay. She understood that it was because of the several months that they had to fight for their lives on the ground. She understood that she wasn't the only one affected by the betrayal.

After all, she lost Bellamy as a friend because of it.

Bellamy had rejected a guard position after everything that happened, perhaps feeling too guilty about what he'd done. Lexa did not ask for the heads of the few number who had killed 300 of her warriors while they were asleep. Indra had not asked for retribution. Bellamy had taken it upon himself to move away. He was now living in one of the peripheral settlements, making up for his crimes by helping the people hunt for food.

"Raven, stop."

"It's ok, Monty," Clarke tried to placate, even if her blood was boiling. She tried not to think about nights when Lexa would spend lying beside her but not sleeping, and Clarke would wake up to the brunette staring at the ceiling. Clarke talked to her about it once, and Lexa had explained that while peace was something she had fought for, it was for her people that she did. And while there was already peace, it didn't mean everyone wanted it. There were still rogues to look out for, the different coups in the clans that didn't stand as solidly as most and it was Lexa's responsibility to take care of them all.

While the rest of Polis and the coalition basked in the peace that Lexa and the others afforded them, there were still nights when Lexa did not rest because she would always put her people first.

And hearing Raven speak that way about Lexa made Clarke's blood boil. And she also knew arguing with Raven would be futile. The girl had her thoughts set to stone, jaded by the events following her descent to earth, and there was little she could do if Raven was unwilling to see how she saw things. Clarke had learned to pick her battles. Just like she'd learned that some battles were against things you can't really fight.

So with a small shake of her head Clarke looked back down at the map. "I need your plans for the south wall. The citizens there can only be moved for two to three days. There are orphanages there, and displacing children for too long wouldn't be-"

"So I don't even deserve an explanation now?"

Clarke exhaled, not wanting to let her temper get the better of her. She didn't have the patience to temper her response about Lexa. Lexa had been sporting dark circles under her eyes for two weeks now, and the Heda was away to settle a conflict in the northern clans. On top of that, Clarke was aware that it was nearing the second month of the year. A time when Lexa's nightmares seemed to worsen.

"Quite frankly, Raven, no, you don't." Raven looked like she had just been slapped, and she seemed to be pulling herself up to start another row, but Clarke didn't have the energy to deal with her anymore. "Monty, can you narrow down the choices for which alleys would make the best locations and let me know as soon as you can? I don't really know the technical requirements. But I'll start talking to citizens who live in the area you pointed out."

With nary a gland after she saw Monty nod, Clarke left what had once been the war room. It was now just a room where they met up with people to make plans for the progression of Polis and the rest of the lands Lexa had inherited from the previous commander. It had come a long way from being the place where people were set for slaughter. Clarke often found Lexa running a careful hand on the table that now only housed maps and large blue prints. She'd decided the fate of thousands in this room, and she carries the burden of their deaths everyday.

Clarke had no patience for people who belittled Lexa's struggle. Not when she knew how that felt.

She was met by Octavia outside of the room. "Hey. How'd the meeting go?"

Clarke had seen how Octavia had greeted Raven. They were one of the hundred and no matter the amount of time they spent apart, it was a bond that they all shared. It was a bond that Clarke used to share with both of them. Now, she was an outsider to it, someone who had lost their trust. Clarke had to live with that, too.

"Swimmingly," she replied dryly, before nodding towards one of the other guards to follow her so she could meet up with the few people from Polis who needed help with reclaiming the borders of their land. It had always been a problem after winter. The farmers would welcome people into their lands, and the one who shared their lands for two months would insist they stay. But the lands were needed to grow food.

Clarke had more things to worry about aside from the look Octavia had given her as she walked away. She was a stranger to them now, and she needed to live with that.

* * *

"Again."

Clarke didn't give more than a grunt when she pushed herself up, picking up the staff she'd been given as her weapon for that day. While peace now prevailed their lands, Clarke and Lexa still got death threats. It was rationally the easiest way to target the coalition, and if done correctly would do a lot of damage. It was Lexa who suggested that she started training, and Clarke was up for it.

The blonde stared at her trainer now, a woman from Azgedakru who once served under the queen but now lived in Polis. Lexa and she had agreed that Lexa couldn't train her. While still adamant about keeping her decisions as fair as possible, the change in Lexa's demeanor when she was with and without Clarke was palpable to many. While outwardly the same, she seemed to orient herself towards Clarke whenever the two of them moved, not necessarily closer, just more directed. The events in the City of Light only cemented Lexa's feelings, and attacking Clarke uninhibitedly was not part of Lexa's efforts to keep her sanity intact.

So Clarke stood now, breathing heavily, only halfway through her training session. Lexa would be back in two days, and Clarke felt like she should have accomplished something for when she did. Enamored or not, Clarke had seen the pride in Lexa's eyes the first time she'd taken down an enemy. It was something to strive for really, especially with how stoic the commander usually was.

She had just retracted the spear enough to start attacking again, before she heard someone telling the woman that she would train with Clarke instead. Her trainer obeyed, and Clarke knew it was only because Octavia had enough authority now that Lexa had instated her as one of her personal guards, an honor greater than a mere trainer.

Clarke turned to see Octavia choosing a spear similar to hers, twirling it in her hand for a bit, before taking a stance in front of her Clarke. Clarke obeyed, if only because she didn't know what this was about.

"Defend," Octavia ordered, and they started with a few simple attacks from the younger girl, which Clarke was able to successfully parry. It was on their third round, when Octavia had started to attack Clarke more seriously and she was able to assess Clarke's skill level, that she revealed why she was there. "Monty told me what happened."

Clarke remained silent as she continued to defend against Octavia's strong blows, sweat glistening on her skin. She ignored the sting when one bead slid to her eye. She blinked twice before moving backward a few steps to wipe at it with her sleeve.

"Attack," Octavia ordered, and they switched roles. Octavia wasn't as skilled as the Azgeda warrior, so they were more evenly matched. But Octavia had still trained longer. "You're not even going to talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Clarke grunted, swinging the spear to Octavia's legs to try and trip her, and the younger girl only jumped, swinging her own spear towards Clarke's head. Clarke lifted an arm to block it, and barely winced at the impact. "Avoid, don't block, when you can," Octavia advised, and Clarke nodded at it, choosing to listen to the comments about her fighting style but not about how she was as a leader. Or a person in general.

"Raven insulted your… I don’t even know what she is to you."

They had started to exchange blows now, having gotten each other's rhythm. "You don't have to. Most of Polis don't care. I don't know why the Skaikru are having a problem with that."

Octavia still had the time to shrug before flipping the spear so it was tucked against her side, and jabbing twice towards Clarke. The second caught Clarke on her left cheek, surprised at the change in tactics. The blonde quickly shook it off, moving back a step, before delivering a piercing blow which Octavia easily deflected. Clarke's movements were getting sloppier, and it wasn't because she was getting tired.

Octavia wasn't done talking, yet. "You say Skaikru like you're not one."

"I've barely felt like I am." Clarke delivered two powerful blows to Octavia's legs, the first connecting to bring the younger girl to her knees, but the second missed when Octavia rolled, then slid to her feet again. "I was there for a couple of weeks last month and everything felt foreign."

"Because you left."

Clarke bristled. Having her decision questioned wasn't something she wanted to bear witness to. She was well aware of her shortcomings. She didn't need anyone, least of all Octavia who always seemed to think she had the best moral compass of all, to remind her. "I had to."

Octavia gave a brief nod as if she understood, before suddenly sending blow after blow towards Clarke, whose head was now swimming with her mistakes, with her shortcomings that always floated around in her head. And it was something that she never quite easily shook off. So the blow to her stomach made her double over, and when she stood up slowly, she received another to her chest, making her fall to her back. She coughed, breath having been knocked out of her from the blow and the fall.

She looked up to see Octavia leaning over her, blunt end of the spear resting just beside Clarke. "I agree with the coalition, Clarke, don't get me wrong." Clarke saw the younger girl's eyes harden, before the next words were spoken. "But you didn't have to rub salt on the wound by shacking up with the commander. She betrayed us. Honestly, this coalition feels like a consolation price."

Clarke let the words wash over her, and she felt the anger fill her again. She fostered it because Clarke had found that it was easier to feel the anger and direct it outward, instead of feeling regret ane guilt over what she had done.

Suddenly Octavia found herself the one on her back with Clarke climbing to her feet easily, her training allowing her to have swept the spear still on her hand when she was knocked down to Octavia's own feet. The reversed position had Clarke looking down at the younger girl now. "The lives of everyone who died by my hand is heavy on my shoulders, Octavia. I don't need you reminding me of them."

Clarke only had to raise her spear for someone to quickly move towards her and take it from her. She reached down to pull Octavia up, and Octavia took the proffered hand, still under the guise of keeping the civility between them, even if they couldn't restore the friendship that once had been.

"The commander… Lexa has more lives on hers. And she is also aware of them." Clarke stepped forward so she could direct her eyes, calm but flashing with protectiveness, towards Octavia. "And she's done nothing but keep them there so no one else would feel their weight." _I bear it so they don't have to._ "She lets you hate her so you won't hate her people, the only reason she has been doing all that she has. And we're her people now."

Clarke took a step back, keeping her shoulders stiff, her face bland. She'd picked up on it from Lexa because Lexa had explained to her once that it was always easier to postpone having to declare her feelings. Because it could easily be used against her. "If you're worried about your safety, don't be."

Clarke left without looking back. There was a part of her still that had wanted to apologize, but she squashed that part of her because it was the same part that made her have nightmares at night. And she firmly believed that no matter how much guilt and shame she has for the things she's had to do, no matter what anyone thought, she would never regret Lexa.

* * *

Clarke loved her like this, soft and supple, and breathing deeply.

They had fought that day, quite destructively. Lexa had insisted that she stay in Arkadia during the meeting with the clans that were in conflict. Bringing them into Polis meant preparing the capital, and that usually meant an influx of people. An influx of people meant that it would be more difficult to keep an eye on each of visitors they had. The last assassination attempt had been done during the last meeting with the clans. It was an arrow to Lexa's shoulder, and it was only so because Clarke had pulled her away after seeing the hooded attacker.

"It will not be safe, Clarke." Lexa's tone betrayed her plea, even as she tried to sound neutral and rational about her decision. "Having the two of us as open targets will not bode well for either of us."

"So you're choosing to have only you as a target, is that what you're saying? Because that's bullshit, Lexa, and I'm not staying away for that reason."

"Clarke-"

But Clarke was striding towards the commander, eyes flashing in anger. "I will not stand by while your people plan your death. I've had to go through too many times when I thought I'd lose you. Never again. Not if I can do anything about it."

But it seemed like Clarke's words went in Lexa's right ear and out of her left one. "You are not listening, Clarke! You need to leave Polis!"

"No, I'm not! When have I ever? And I don't. I'm trying to look out for you, because you're too stubborn to and you don't care about your safety, but I do! We'll increase the guards, and change the patrol schedules-"

"No. No, you need to go."

"Lexa-" Clarke's voice was just annoyed now.

"I can't lose you, too!"

Clarke froze, catching the break in Lexa's voice, and she sighed because of course that's where this was coming from. The nightmares had been getting worse, and Lexa hadn't been able to get a decent night's sleep in a days.

But now she was on her side, with only the sheets of their bed covering her, and Clarke could still feel the ache that filled her heart when Lexa's revealed her fears to her. Clarke scooted forward to press her front to Lexa's back, hand sliding from the tattoos on her right arm to wrap around the brunette's middle.

"I might need a bit more time before we go again, _hodnes_."

Clarke grinned. "I wasn't looking to going for another round." She poked Lexa's side to punctuate her point, making Lexa jump a little. Clarke's grin only widened because she was probably the only one who knew the commander was ticklish.

"Were you not?" Lexa shifted so she was on her back, raising an eyebrow doubtfully at Clarke, lips lifting into a teasing smile.

"No, I wasn't!"

"That is also what you said last night, Clarke. And yet we-"

"Ok, yeah, I remember what we did. You weren't exactly discouraging me, though."

"I would never dream to."

Clarke rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched because Lexa's lips shifted from teasing to a full blown smile. "Come cuddle," Clarke ordered, extending her arm so Lexa would settle in her arms.

"You are needy after making love, Clarke."

"Yeah, yeah. It wasn't me who kept us in bed when we were supposed to be traveling to Ouskejon before the sun rose. We were late for the feast they prepared, do you remember that? Hmm?"

"I do not," Lexa intoned in a controlled tone, ever the Heda, but she was shifting to snuggle into Clarke, already burrowing in the arms of her lover. She wrapped arms that were soft and pliant from their lovemaking around Clarke, and for a moment they both forgot the scars that littered their skin, the bruises that were still fading. The brokenness in their hearts that can only be truly healed by time. And each other.

Clarke laughed, shoulders shaking at Lexa's words, and she wrapped her own arms around Lexa, smiling when she heard the commander sigh in contentment. The amount of vulnerability Lexa presented whenever they were together and alone always astounded Clarke, and she would forever thank whatever gods there were for bringing them together.

"Oh, I think I remember now, Clarke."

Clarke raised her eyebrows, waiting for the commander's apparent recollection.

"Did you not pretend to feel exhausted after the journey so we would be dismissed early to get me alone- Clarke!"

Clarke's hands grabbed at her sides and it made Lexa squirm on top of her. Clarke didn't let up. She kept digging her fingers unto Lexa's sides until laughter bubbled up from the commander's lips and Clarke…

Clarke was home.


	2. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa win someone over in acquiescence, more from accepting circumstances than anything else.

"The heat shouldn't be a problem," Clarke intoned, looking from the _Yujledakru_ to Kane.

Kane looked over the plans laid out by the people Lexa had sent with Clarke to teach the _Skaikru_ about which crops to plant after spring. Kane would have called them botanists or agriculturists or something, but the commander didn't call them that, so he couldn't really impose the term.

When he looked up he looked at Clarke first before directing his words to the people between Clarke and him. He'd been communicating that way to stay polite. Clarke was there to translate between them, but Kane was still indirectly talking to the _Yujledakru_ who were one of the four clans comfortable with letting the _Skaikru_ into the coalition, the four who had been on Lexa's side during the civil war. The rest had simply reluctantly agreed because they couldn't deny that without the _Skaikru_ , without Monty, Raven and Wick, ALIE would have laid waste to the world once again.

Of course, the convenience of electricity and easier communication had enticed everyone. The _Skaikru_ just had the added burden of showing the rest of the coalition that it wasn't some form of sorcery going on.

"And the greenhouses, won't they dehydrate the plants more?" Kane had always wondered the same whenever he saw photographs of the large houses that only housed plants. He was pleasantly surprised that the technology survived on earth, and that one of the clans were able to innovate to make them grow anything anytime of the year.

He listened to Clarke translate for him before the woman of the two _Yujledakru_ answered. He kept his eyes on her despite not really understanding because it was something he knew they appreciated. It was Clarke who smiled sheepishly at him.

"I'm sorry, Kane. That was a little too technical for me. I have yet to learn some of the dialects." Kane almost smiled at the switch towards formal English, something he knew Clarke had to switch to sometimes when talking to other clan leaders. "But from what I can understand, she said that everything is controlled as well as possible inside the greenhouses, and usually lack of water is the least of their problems. There is always an irrigation system and they make use of them."

That was enough of an explanation for Kane. It was, after all, only a preliminary meeting, and they only had Clarke at the moment to translate for them. They would begin actual planning and construction of the three greenhouses they will be building inside Arkadia in about a month if things worked out well.

Pleasantries were exchanged between the two people, through Clarke, before the meeting was adjourned with a promise of meeting in a few days to finalize the plans. A translator will be sent in Clarke's stead in the same timeframe because Clarke would have to leave to visit another clan.

Clarke and Kane exited the room together, walking towards the mess hall for lunch. Clarke was still a little wary of Kane and she was aware it was because he was officially with her mother now. While they weren't hurrying to get married because they were both busy with running Arkadia, Clarke knew there was no one else for her mother, really, no one else who would understand what it was like to be a leader and understand their struggles. Similar to her and Lexa, Clarke thought, and it was something she understood, and was slowly learning to accept in her mother.

"How are the changes in Polis? I can't imagine they're as accepting as we are of their knowledge and technology of the ground. We do seem to need them more than they need us." Kane led her through the corridors, Kane's feet echoing while Clarke's remind silent, having undergone training under Lexa herself. The commander had rolled her eyes when Clarke had tried to sneak up on her once when they went to the lake and had declared that she couldn’t have Clarke startling everything in the forest whenever she walked.

Really, it wasn't even that bad. Clarke could already move silently because of the three months she'd spent alone in the forest. It wasn’t her fault that Lexa had some kind of super hearing. But she didn't protest the lessons. It was, after all, more time spent with the busy commander.

Maybe Clarke played it off for a few sessions.

Lexa only found out when Clarke was making so much noise the week before, and was suddenly really good the next one.

Lexa may have pouted at Clarke while rolling her eyes. Clarke placated her with kisses.

"We already have electricity for a tenth of the city, around Lexa's building and a short periphery from there. But only for light bulbs. Monty said the power still isn't strong enough for anything else, but… It's a good thing. We need to wean the city off of their candles first, make them trust the new changes before moving up to more complicated things. It'll be a while, yet." Clarke paused before adding the bigger problem. "And then there's the need to convince some of the families that installing solar panels on their roofs is a necessity."

Kane nodded as they entered the mess hall, smiling as a group of kids ran between him and Clarke. "And the commander?"

Clarke hesitated before smirking a little bit. " _Heda_ is a bit of a romantic and likes her candles like the rest of Polis."

The chancellor laughed. "For you, I would guess, Clarke. I've heard murmurs about your effect on the commander."

Clarke had to raise her eyebrows at that. While Clarke was wary of Kane and his relationship with her mother, Clarke was thankful that he was accepting of her relationship with the commadner. Not many _Skaikru_ were. "What, is there like a forum for gossip of the clan leaders?"

Kane grinned. "I can't reveal my sources. Abby!"

Clarke felt herself stiffen a little when she saw how her mother seemed to beam for a second before fixing her features for something more appropriate for a public setting. Clarke couldn't comment on the fact that they were both leaders and there probably would be some sort of conflict of interest in the future because, honestly, so were Lexa and she. "Hi, mom."

"Clarke." Abby gave Clarke a tight hug, and Clarke found herself sinking into her mother's arms. She was a leader most of the time and her mother's arms was one of the places she felt she could realize that she wasn't even 20 yet. "How are you?"

Clarke shrugged. "Well enough. I have a few weeks of visiting different clans, some with _Heda_. I'll be meeting up with her when-"

"Clarke."

Clarke stopped her standard response to the question, seeing the kind eyes of her mother that she hadn't allowed herself to see because of what hung between them. But in the weeks that followed the Reckoning, Clarke and her mother had laid out their thoughts and feelings. Clarke had spent a week in Arkadia as the de facto ambassador before the _Skaikru_ voted for the co-chancellorship of Kane and Abby, after which they had both started to represent their people in meetings with the clan leaders. Abby and Clarke had started to heal, Clarke from her mother's betrayal of Jake, and Abby from all the decisions Clarke had had to make ever since she'd accepted the burden of being the leader of the 100.

Clarke accepted the warmth that spread through her now at the genuine concern from her mother she rarely ever got to see anymore because of the distance. "Tired. Just for the past few weeks. But the weeks I spend in Polis are restful enough. Lexa usually takes on too much, so I barely do anything when we're at home."

Abby tried not to let it affect her that her daughter considered somewhere else her home. On top of having her daughter apparently living with the person who had betrayed her people not too long ago. "Are you still eating right?"

Clarke actually laughed at this before threading her arm through her mother's to pull her to where they served the trays for the meals. "Mom. I swear I'm taking care of myself. I'm eating right. And sleeping as well as I can with all the things that I have to do. I'm nearly, 20. Not 12."

Abby smiled as she took two trays for herself and for her daughter, and Clarke let her because she knew her mother needed to feel needed by Clarke still. "A mother worries. You rarely ever worry about yourself as it is."

Clarke took the utensils her mother offered as they settled on one of the tables. "I do, actually. But it's Lexa we have to worry about. She's had another assassination attempt a few days ago and if Ryder hadn't arrived in my guard yesterday, I would have gone to see her. They foiled the plans before anything happened."

Clarke was taking her second spoonful of food before she noticed that the table had gotten quiet. She sighed before looking up to see her mother trying to avoid her eyes. _Not again_. Her shoulders dropped and she looked away before pulling herself up having lost her appetite after two bites. "Would you rather we pretended the leader of the coalition doesn't exist and everything just fixes itself whenever clan leaders visit Polis?"

"Clarke-"

Clarke shook her head. She'd been to three clans in two weeks, which meant she had been traveling probably half that time, only staying for a day or two in each. She was tired, and she hadn't seen Lexa since they parted to make the rounds to show support in the renovations, repair and resupplying that had been happening ever since the war. She was running on fumes, basically, and she didn't have the energy to listen to Lexa being criticized once again. Not from a person as close to her as her mother.

"No." Clarke sighed as she stood, taking her tray with her. She needed to take the three hours she still had in Arkadia to sleep, otherwise, they wouldn't be able to reach their stop over before they reached the next clan. And while she'd initially thought she could sacrifice the hours to spend with her mother, she wasn't going to do it if she had to spend the whole time pretending she was ok with people talking about Lexa that way. "Excuse me."

She smiled at the person who took the tray from her as she reached the counter and she took the time to crouch down when a couple of kids approached her. They asked her a bunch of questions about being _Wanheda_ and she answered as best as she could trying not to let the title affect her.

The people of Polis have started to call her _Hedatu_ following their return from the mainframe. And while she was wary of being called anything with _Heda_ in it, she knew it was the only other title she could be given short of applying Princess, which Lexa had heard Raven call her once during the mechanic's first visit to Polis.

Lexa had asked about it and Raven, despite hating the commander, had overridden any answer Clarke had tried to give by loudly announcing that it was basically the _Skaikru_ equivalent of royalty. Lexa had then asked Clarke in private if she preferred that title over _Wanheda_ knowing Clarke's aversion for where the blonde had acquired the title. Clarke had vehemently refused, explaining where exactly princess had come from.

It was about two weeks later when Lexa had met up with the nightbloods that Clarke had heard _Hedatu_ from one of the youngest ones in Lexa's conclave, Bea. Apparently, the nightbloods had coined the term even before the Reckoning, because they couldn't find it in themselves to just call Clarke by her name without an honorific. She'd smiled at it, and the title had stuck.

It was a plus that their people were people who believed in legends.

When Luna of the _Floudonkru_ called her the title in one meeting, the rest had followed. With _Jus no drein jus daun_ being implemented throughout their lands, Lexa had explained that it will only reinforce the new teachings. It wasn't, as yet, an official title, but even the other clan leaders had already started calling her _Hedatu_. It actually helped establish her authority, especially after the events of Mount Weather and the events in the City of Light. And while _Wanheda_ still filled the murmurings in dark alleys and the makings of legends in bed times stories, _Hedatu_ ruled during daylight alongside _Heda_.

If it implied any sort of bond, that it maybe sent the message that they were each other's houmon, Clarke and Lexa have yet to address that. There was still too much to do, and they didn't have time to dispel useless gossip.

So Clarke explained to the children now, how there was no need for _Wanheda_ anymore and she was now called _Hedatu_ and hoped she would hear the last of _Wanheda_ when she left Arkadia.

She was nearly to her room, having ended her brief encounter with the children, when she heard footsteps behind her and she knew she had to face her mother now. Clarke felt herself grow weary, having just thought how thankful she was that Kane was accepting of her relationship with the commander. Maybe she could ask him to talk to her mother.

"I'm really tired, mom." Clarke opened the conversation, in lieu of a greeting, with an attempt at an escape.

Abby looked apologetically at her daughter, as if they'd had this same conversation before--and they have--and they were just rehashing things. The older blonde was aware that she was looking into this with preconceived notions of grounders, despite having already lived with them for months and in the context of peace. She was also aware that her view was clouded by the betrayal and by what Clarke had done after they had started to cohort with the _Trikru_. Abby was aware that there were more things at play, that it wasn't just the commander's influence on Clarke that made her daughter do the things she did for the reasons she thought were justified.

They had all started to play by different rules the moment they reached the ground, and Abby was just trying to hold on the that little bit of the old Clarke that she thought she could keep when everything else had already changed.

But she knew Clarke had probably started changing the moment she had lost her father. The moment Abby lost her husband.

The fact that it was Clarke who spoke again surprised them both. "I don't know if you're waiting for Lexa to prove herself, but enforcing peace is hard to top. I don't know what else you want from her."

Abby felt herself deflate at her daughter's words. "She left us- left you to die, Clarke."

With merely a bland stare, Clarke started to turn again, only to be halted by an approaching guard. Clarke seemed to flip on a switch, and Abby watched her daughter disappear, and the likes of a co-leader of the coalition replace her not-even-20 year old daughter.

"Mica," Clarke acknowledged her lead guard. The tall woman greeted the two blondes with a small bow. " _Sochu?_ " _What's up?_

" _Heda hit kom Ingranronakru eno._ " _The commadner's meeting with the Plain riders has ended._

Clarke tilted her head in question. " _Gyon em gon Delfi?_ " _She's on her way to the Delphi?_

Mica bowed her head again, but this time, Clarke saw that it was to partially hide a small smile. " _Nou, Hedatu. Heda kom op. Em au._ " _No, second commander. Heda has arrived. She's outside._

The relief Clarke felt made her switch to her native language and her shoulders that had been stiff with tension suddenly relax with ease. "She's outside?"

This time, Mica didn't bother to hide her smile. "Yes, _Hedatu_. She understands the _Skaikru_ are still wary of her. But she is asking for you."

Abby didn't have to ask who had arrived, and even if Clarke and her guard hadn't been exchanging pronouns to refer to the person outside the walls of Arkadia, Abby would have still known by the way Clarke's eyes had lit up, when they had been anything but weary just a few moments ago.

Abby followed Clarke in a more leisurely pace while Mica brisk walked with her charge. Clarke was thankful she still had the walls of the Ark memorized, even if she did feel suffocated by the metal encasing her, as opposed to the large windows of the skyscraper she lived in. She was out in record time and she only slowed when she saw the white horse in the distance, keeping up pretenses by staying about 50 or so meters from the _Skaikru_ walls.

"We'll open the gates," Abby called out to her daughter, already motioning for the person manning the opening to Arkadia, but Clarke shook her head.

"But they-"

"They may not like her. But they respect all she's done in the name of peace."

Clarke knew her mother was included in the reference to her people, and had only used a third person pronoun to now antagonize Clarke any further after talking about the commander like she had. For what it was worth, she was grateful when the gates did open to welcome the commander of the thirteen clans, and she watched as some of the Arkadians slipped into their settlements, Clarke guessed those who still didn't like the commander, while the other waited patiently, bowing once the commander crossed the threshold.

Lexa, in a show of trust, had only taken two riders with her, flanking her on both sides, and leaving the rest of her envoy where they had waited for Clarke to come out. Lexa deftly slid down from her horse upon reaching Clarke, and a rare smile turned the corners of her lips up, before disappearing in lieu of the usual mask the commander wore.

But not before Abby saw it.

" _Heda._ "

" _Hedatu._ " Lexa turned towards Abby, effectively turning her back to Clarke, with a slight incline of her head. "Chancellor. I hope you are doing well and the seasons are treating you kindly. The winter was harsh even in Polis."

"The provisions you sent went a long way, commander, thank you." Abby was answered with another head incline. "Will you be staying for a while? We can prepare dinner for you and your people."

"I only came to pick up Clarke."

Clarke pursed her lips to keep a smile from appearing, and she met her mother's eyes above Clarke's shoulders knowing the two blondes had the same thought running through their heads: that sounded awfully like Lexa was picking her up for a date.

Lexa, oblivious, turned towards Clarke again. "The _Ingranronakru_ have given us gifts for the travel." Despite the company, Lexa lifted a hand to brush the back of her fingers gently over the skin below Clarke's eyes. "You need sleep, Clarke," Lexa murmured, worried eyes flickering over Clarke's features.

Clarke could feel her mother's eyes on them, but she kept hers on Lexa, leaning towards the hand that cupped her face briefly. "So do you."

Lexa smiled. " _Ai don disha mou taim kom yu, ai tombom._ " _I've done this for longer than you have, my heart._

" _Yu nou gaf les rid._ " _You don't need any less sleep._

Lexa allowed her smile to widen a little more, enough that Abby was still able to see it before it completely disappeared when Lexa turned back to the older Griffin. "We will be taking our leave, chancellor." She waited for Abby to nod before continuing. "Please send my regards to Chancellor Kane."

"Of course, commander." Abby watched Lexa gracefully mount her horse, as the older Griffin hugged her daughter goodbye. Clarke had only been there since morning of the day before, and the chancellor thought it was too soon for any parting. But she knew Clarke had new responsibilities now.

" _Ste klir_ ," _Be safe._ Abby murmured and she felt her daughter's arms tighten around her. She was finding it difficult to, she undoubtedly was, but Abby was trying. She knew she'd forced her daughter to grow up, knew the ground had made the younger blonde change, not necessarily for the better on the standards they'd held by the Ark, but definitely stronger.

She Clarke go so Clarke could mount her horse, Mica now in their presence with the rest of Clarke's guard, and she could only wave as Clarke sat in the same regal posture that Lexa did, having already imbibed the role of being the second commander, not quite an equal in status, but in ways that counted, they were.

Abby's eyes shifted to the brunette that held her daughter's heart, and she barely just controlled the stiffening of her shoulders. Because she'd seen the commander smile twice in the few minutes that she had seen Clarke and there was nothing more rare than seeing the always stoic commander soften. And it was Abby's daughter's doing. Abby felt her shoulders relax slightly as she watched the guard surround Clarke while Lexa adjusted so she was in front of the whole group, the strongest guards flanking her, but also showing unfaltering strength as the strongest of the warriors in the group.

When Lexa turned to nod at Abby again, Abby found herself walking towards the commander, and she only slowed because some of the guards' hands had drifted towards their weapons. Lexa waved them away as Abby reached the commander's side.

"Take care of my daughter."

It was a gesture of privilege, Abby knew, but she extended her hand, waiting for the commander to take hers in the forearm grasp. When Lexa extended her hand, Abby caught the commander's hand instead, and she registered the surprise on the commander's face, before a bit of what Clarke probably saw on the commander slipped through as Lexa's own hand squeeze Abby's.

Abby was almost surprised that the commander of thirteen clans had warm hands.

With beseeching eyes, Abby held Lexa's hand for a little while longer. "I'm asking as her mother. Lexa."

It was the first time that Abby used her given name, and Lexa nodded again, knowing that no matter their differences, Abby and her would always have Clarke's wellbeing as their priority. It was something Lexa was sure they would at least agree on.

So in a rare show of emotion to someone who wasn't Clarke, Lexa smiled, and Abby dared to think it was even slightly teasing. "It is quite the opposite… Dr. Griffin." Lexa's voice was soft, quite unlike the strong voice of authority that always permeated the chaos and commanded stillness, demanded attention. And Abby was reminded that this girl, whom Clarke had mentioned had only gone through 22 summers, was also a child. "Clarke actually cares for those around her." Lexa gave Abby's hand a last squeeze, hands settling firmly on the reigns of her horse. "Including me."

Abby gave a jerky nod before moving away again to let them go. Lexa's eyes hardened with resolve as she turned her horse, but kept her eyes on Abby. "But I will. For as long as I am able."

"May we meet again, chancellor Griffin."

" _Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Heda_."

Abby watched the young woman don the invisible armor that made her commander, and with it the many lives she carried on her shoulders, her charges. All the mothers, fathers and children of the thirteen clans rested on the slim frame of the brunette that led the group, white horse a stark contrast from the dark manes of the others. It was almost audacious, how it was entirely too easy to pick out Lexa from afar because of the animal she rode. It would have been if Lexa was not as capable as Abby had realized she was in the months that Lexa had rebuilt and strengthened the coalition with the held of her daughter.

And Abby wondered if this unofficial transferring of responsibility, of finally accepting that her daughter will never be fully in her care anymore, would be worth it. If Abby would ever regret it.

But Abby sees her daughter's smile, directed at her, filled with the affection Clarke held for the commander and the gratefulness Clarke had for her mother.

And Abby was able to decide that it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know who else you'd want to read about. I focused on Abby because I feel like she'd be the first one to try just because she owed it to Clarke after Jake. Especially since they're all trying to move on. And with Abby finally with Kane, it seems like a logical start to having Skaikru Clexa allies. :))
> 
> BUT let's not forget that it's a begrudging acceptance. There is more to be settled still.
> 
> ALSO if my Trigedasleng is shit... pls forgive me


	3. The Young are the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven finally sees a side of Lexa that she doesn't expect. Clarke falls even more in love with the commander. And we all know Monty's already sold where Lexa is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is some smut

Clarke didn't know how it worked, or perhaps at a certain physiologic level she did. She hadn't really thought about it, and there wasn't much occasion for her to, given the circumstances. And not that she had any mental faculties, really, to think about it extensively while it was happening. But as she felt Lexa's hands fist themselves in her hair as Clarke's tongue worked over the commander's clit, Clarke had decided that it was an undeniable truth.

Battles made them horny.

It was probably all the left over adrenaline, Clarke thought as her fingers curled, arm firming on top of Lexa's hips to hold her still as she came with a breathless cry. The battle was short-lived. Clarke and Lexa were visiting the last clan that they had to stop at, the ones that had needed most of their attention and time. It had been two months and a half since Arkadia, and they were looking forward to going home.

Lexa had arranged for fifty of her warriors to meet with them at a fork in the road that will bring them together towads the last clan to be visited. It was preemptive. The _Sangedakru_ were one of the few clans who sided with the _Azgeda_ because the latter could provide the former with what they needed the most through trade: water. Despite how geographically, the two clans were significantly far apart, the _Sangedakru_ have always had reservations about the coalition, due to ill will towards the seventh commander, who was known to be the cruelest. They were forced into it, however, because they were in need of the supplies that joining the coalition was offering them. When the _Azgeda_ had given them an out--waterlines between their people in exchange for a temporary partnership to bring down the Allied Clans, the _Sangedakru_ took the bait.

The war didn't last long enough for the waterlines to be built, but once the dust of the battles have settled, certain tribes have broken off from the main clan and have gone rogue, unable to re-ally themselves with the commander.

Lexa and her people were a few miles out of the clan territory and into the forest that signaled the beginning of agreed upon common lands, lands that all the clans shared, when the rogues had attacked. Clarke had been in the middle of her guards, and had felt her heart drop when the sounds of fighting reached her. Lexa was in the frontlines like she always was.

In the end, despite the relatively even numbers between the few warriors Lexa had brought and the rogues who had ambushed them, Lexa's warriors were more trained, more skilled, and they won by a large margin. By the time Clarke had broken through the protective line of guards she'd been assigned--the clash of weapons didn't even reach as far as where she was situated in the travel formation Lexa had strategized--the fight was over, and the prisoners were being restrained for transport.

Clarke had frantically looked for Lexa and found her clutching her side and cursing at a rogue warrior who was bleeding out because of a spear through his chest. It looked like Lexa had put it there. Clarke had rushed towards her, without care for anything else, and because it had been easier to, slipped into healer mode.

Clarke had brought Lexa into one of the carriages, the gifts Lexa had mentioned they'd gotten from the _Ingranronakru_ , before ordering the troops back to _Sangedakru_ territories because it was closer than their destination and they needed to tend to their wounded. Clarke had stiched Lexa up during the ride back, and was able to help out with the others before nightfall, where they were once again led to the chambers they've been honored with by the clan leader, _Kaze_ Gaara.

She rested her cheek on Lexa's hip now as Lexa regained her breath after her orgasm. It was definitely the adrenaline rush, Clarke thought vaguely as she ran her hand lazily up and down Lexa's thigh. Clarke eyed Lexa's rising and falling chest, breasts heaving, before her eyes landed on bandage on Lexa's side, knowing there were stiches beneath them. It really wasn't as bad as some of the injuries that the other warriors sustained, but it had grazed Lexa's muscle, which meant that movement brought pain to the commander at the moment.

They weren't even supposed to be having sex.

But Lexa had discarded her shirt when they reached their quarters at the same time Clarke shed her clothes, still bloodied from helping their warriors, and their eyes had met, pupils dilated. Clarke's breath only had enough time to hitch before they were moving towards each other desperately.

"Your turn," Lexa breathlessly intoned, pulling Clarke up with her arm opposite the one with her injured side, trying to minimize her movement.

Clarke moved up, hovering over the commander, even as she said, "You're in pain."

Lexa only hummed, kissing Clarke briefly before putting pressure on Clarke's back, enough to have the blonde shifting higher until Lexa's lips could wrap around one of her nipples. Clarke's hands fisted the sheets beneath Lexa when she felt Lexa's tongue flick, trying to keep herself levered on her forearms so she didn't rest too much weight on the injured commander.

 

"Then you shall have to move for both of us, _hodnes_ ," Lexa murmured, before her lips claimed Clarke's other nipple.

It wasn't long until Clarke was squirming over her, wanting more than she was currently getting. But she knew that Lexa couldn’t move too much, even if she was only going to use her uninjured hand's side to pleasure Clarke. Clarke felt herself shudder when she felt Lexa's feather light touch graze her center, and she knew they had to stop if they didn't want Lexa to start bleeding again.

"Lexa," Clarke moaned, and she was rewarded with a nip where Lexa's was kissing her neck to which she whimpered. "Wait. You can't move too much. We have to-" She cried out when she felt a finger pressing expertly on her clit, and she pressed her forehead to Lexa's to try and ground herself by looking into Lexa's eyes. It didn't help. "We have to stop."

Borne of respect for Clarke, Lexa withdrew her hand, and she pressed an almost chaste kiss to Clarke's slightly parted lips. " _Don yu gaf in hod op?_ " _Do you want to stop?_

" _Nou. Ba-_ " _No, but-_

" _Ai hodnes._ " _My love._ Lexa met Clarke's eyes, dark with desire, and Lexa kissed her, letting the kiss grow with the desperation that always accompanied days when they've nearly lost each other, when they're once again facing the threat of continuing on without the other, until they were both panting for breath when they parted. " _Teik ai._ " _Let me._

Clarke was about to protest once again, because no matter how much she needed release, she was never going to put that before her need for Lexa to be safe and without pain. But she felt Lexa's hand slide from her back to her butt, to slightly lower and Lexa was urging her to move. It wasn't until she'd moved closer to Lexa's chest that she realized where Lexa wanted her, and she felt herself quiver in anticipation. She adjusted until her center was aligned with Lexa's lips, and she felt nimble fingers slide towards her hip to urge her down.

And because Lexa would never force Clarke into anything, Lexa paused and waited until Clarke was looking at her again. " _Don yu gaf dison in?_ " _Do you want this?_ Lexa's touch was soft on her thigh, running lazily up and down. She wasn't going to move unless Clarke gave her the ok.

And Clarke, who was too far-gone to even comprehend the simplest of sentences only nodded, one hand settling over Lexa's hair, the other on the bed frame.

But Lexa wasn't having any of it. She needed a clear sign that Clarke wanted this. " _Klark._ "

And Clarke moaned. " _Sha, Leksa. Beja._ "

Clarke ended up restitching 2 of the eight stitches Lexa had needed. Lexa swore that it was worth it.

* * *

It took them three days to get home, but they finally did. They had to leave a few of their warriors that needed to recuperate before they could travel, while taking with them the bodies of those they'd lost to set up pyres when they arrived at Polis. Lexa had to meet with the families of the fallen, and Clarke had accompanied her, now a constant presence beside Lexa that the people of Polis were starting to associate with their _Heda_. Lexa usually didn't do all this, but she had already promised her people peace, and yet people were still dying.

For the most part, Lexa was just thankful that she didn't have to go through everything alone anymore. It wasn't something that she ever told Clarke, not yet, but she will forever be thankful to the unwavering presence. While Lexa had ascended into being the commander with shoulders braced for the heavy weight she had to carry all on her own, Clarke had proven time and again that she wasn't. Not anymore.

They were walking back now, coming back from the last family they had to visit, and Lexa was feeling the grief of all the family members she'd had to talk to. She was tired, and the constant brush of the back of Clarke's hand against hers was the only thing keeping her from hurrying away. She longed for the private quarters she shared with Clarke so they can finally be alone and for a few hours, Lexa can find reprieve from everything that had happened.

As fate would have it, it wasn't time for both _Heda_ and _Hedatu_ to rest. They passed by a part of Polis where electrical wires were getting installed, and they bumped into Monty who was frowning that frown that always made him look younger in Clarke's opinion. Courtesy had the pair pausing, and Clarke took the liberty of talking to her old friend.

Monty was someone Clarke shared a dark, heavy burden with. While Clarke had pulled that lever, it was Monty who made it possible. While it was ultimately Clarke's decision, Monty was the instrument, the mind when Clarke had been the heart. And she'd actually already spoke to him about it. He'd cried then, and they had held each other, two people who were entirely too different, having one common thing binding them. And that one thing was something they couldn’t really be proud about.

Monty finally tore his eyes away from what he had been frowning at to glance towards Clarke's direction, and she smiled because Monty's eyes lit up. She knew Monty tried to talk to Raven every time they met up and Raven becomes snarky. She was grateful for it.

"Clarke!" Monty approached the pair, and he noted thankfully that as much as they had been meeting the past few months, Lexa and Clarke's constant guards had stopped flinching towards their weapons whenever he approached. He was glad he wasn't seen as a threat anymore. " _Heda_ ," he added, bowing slightly towards Lexa, who nodded in reply. He turned back towards Clarke. "Back from _Sangedakru_?"

His accent was still of the _Skaikru_ , but Clarke was glad for his effort to actually learn about the culture. She knew he had friends in Polis now, and had one in particular that he always visited whenever he was there. She'd seen them together on more than one occasion, and she was happy for it. "Yes. Finally." They gave each other a one-armed hug, given that Monty's other hand was occupied with a wireless thing that Clarke didn't even recognize.

Monty's eyes shifted from happy to seeing Clarke, to solemn. "I heard about the rogues."

"Already into the Polis gossip mill?" Clarke joked, shifting her eyes to look at what Monty was frowning at, and finding that she didn't know what it was he had been looking at.

Monty shrugged. "I saw the procession when you arrived." Clarke knew he was talking about the bodies they'd brought back with them. "And Kino's sister, who's one of your warriors that got back told us what happened." Monty directed her eyes towards the commander, and he saw that she had been looking at him. " _Hofli yu laik ait, Heda._ " _I hope you're all right, commander._

" _Sha, mochof_ , Monty." Lexa knew her injury would have gotten around. And while most of Polis with their beliefs in an all-powerful commander would have murmured about her weakness, Lexa had come to realize that Clarke's _Skaikru_ friends talked about them in a concerned way. It was something Lexa still was getting used to, but she was glad for it. "Clarke tended to our injured. We were fortunate to have her with us."

Monty grinned at that, before turning back to Clarke. "Always saving the day, huh?"

"Shut up, Monty," Clarke muttered, even as she smirked. She looked back at one of the few _Skaikru_ she considered friends. "How's it going, by the way? Are the citizens following the plan?"

Monty nodded while he sighed. "Begrudgingly. Oddly enough, it's actually the children who are convincing their parents. They're the ones who are more excited about switches and lamps that don't need gas and fire."

"It is as well as it is." Both Monty and Clarke turned towards Lexa, surprised that she'd commented in the conversation, but Clarke was glad for it. It meant Lexa was comfortable enough around Monty to speak without worrying about judgment. "The children will be the main citizens in ten, fifteen years. If we raise them as people who are open to change, then we raise revolutionaries."

Monty found himself nodding, impressed by how the commander looked at Polis' young. The ark always treated their children as people to mold, locking them up for inane crimes because of the need to control population. And here was Lexa, the commander of thirteen clans, known as the commander of the blood, with high hopes for the children of Polis to push the civilization forward.

There was no doubt in his heart that Lexa was born for this, even if he didn't quite believe in the reincarnation and ascension. But as far as Lexa was, it seemed there was no better person to hold the highest position in the coalition.

Clarke had the same thoughts, but not quite as surprised as Monty was. Lexa had always had peace and prosperity in her heart, even if the commander deprived herself of the same luxuries. Lexa only ever indulged in one thing, and it was in opening her heart to Clarke.

Otherwise, Lexa was still and always will be her people's. She was never just her own person.

"Fucking-"

All three turned at the curse and the caught sight of Raven who was fumbling with something in her hands. She was scowling at it, tinkering and not looking at where she was going, her limp more pronounced because she was too distracted with what was in her hands rather than actually watch where she was going.

Clarke noticed her stiffen when she looked up and Lexa was the first one she noticed. She gave a small bow, which she was able to make it look annoyed, before looking at Monty. "The circuit breaker is fried. We can't install everything without it. It'll take a few hours to look for parts for this." Raven shook the device, annoyed that it had given up on them.

"I was wondering why the lights wouldn't go off. I thought I'd rigged it to function remotely," Monty, wondered out loud, looking down at the device in his hand and dropping it to his side, now knowing that it wasn't going to work anymore. "We can still install most of it. They just won't be functional, yet."

"Yeah, they have to be-"

" _Heda_!"

The cry was from a tiny voice, and when four pairs of eyes tracked towards the source, they found a handful of children playing on the streets and the tiniest of them, probably only three or four, came running towards the group.

Raven looked positively panicked, Monty looked like he didn't know how to react, and Clarke, despite having thought dire situations through fast enough to save the lives of her friends and family, looked lost. People from the Ark weren't exposed to children much. It was a matter of health and immunity. Not all diseases had vaccines. Supplies were scarce and they couldn't risk the kids catching anything before they had mature immune systems. So although not expressly forbidden, the quarters and moving routes for the children below seven years of age were separate from those of the adults. It was the same for the geriatric population, those 60 and older.

Raven actually took a step back when the child was near enough, but her eyes bugged out when out of the four of them, it was Lexa who stooped down to hitch the child expertly to her hip as if she had been doing it forever.

A smile Lexa only reserved for the part of the population of Polis that she knew would be their future slid unto her face, and she poked the little girl's stomach, which drew a giggle. "Patsy. _Din yu ste os gon oyu nomon?_ " _Are you being good to your mother?_

" _Sha, Heda. Laik ai swega klin._ " _Yes, commander. Like I promised._

It wasn't long before Patsy was squirming in Lexa's arms, and she took that as her cue to put the child down. But instead of just running back to her playmates, Patsy held the commander's hand in one of hers in a tight grip, and was pulling the commander towards the rest of the children.

To everyone's surprise, Lexa let the child pull her away from them and towards the gathered group of children, and Raven looked astonished when Lexa humored the children by taking one of their wooden swords in her hand, the short model allowing her to easily flip it twice to the awed claps from the children.

Clarke thought there hadn't been any time before that her heart had warmed so fast and so strongly after something Lexa did. But now as she watched the commander take on a perfect stance with the wooden sword, as if she was wielding a sword forged from the best metal, amongst children with grubby hands and toothless smiles, she felt all the love she had for Lexa bubble inside of her and spill forth into a smile.

"She means them, doesn't she?"

Both Raven and Clarke looked back towards Monty, whose own eyes were soft when he looked towards the children who were attacking the commander who expertly parried with them. The smile never left Lexa's lips as she gave comments here and there about how to stand, how to attack, how to hold their arms up.

Clarke looked back towards the young woman who held her heart, and whose heart was Clarke's and her people's and she understood what Monty meant. But Raven, unable to comprehend the sight of a relaxed commander frowned at Monty's words.

"What do you mean, Monty"

Monty smiled a little as he watched a little boy laugh when Lexa ruffled his hair. Raven looked back towards the scene in front of them, now with a mother who was scolding the youngest of the bunch, probably for bothering the commander. But Lexa was shaking her head, and while Raven didn't understand enough of Trigedasleng to know what Lexa was saying, Raven could take a guess as Lexa looked over the children one more time, affection in her eyes.

"Whenever she talks about her people," Clarke answered for Monty when Lexa was once again walking back towards them. The blonde turned towards her friend, beseeching now, wanting Raven to understand. "Whenever Lexa talks about her people, she means them. And their mothers and fathers. But mostly for them. She believes they hold the future in their hands."

Raven felt the walls she'd built around herself to protect against who she'd always thought of as grounders start to crack as she looked back at Clarke. Clarke broke their gaze first to watch one of the boys approach Lexa shyly and offered her a plastic that had what looked to be colorful round crystals inside. Lexa accepted it with a very sincere thank _Mochof_ and a hand on his shoulder, before she walked back towards Clarke, the corner of her lip lifted as she picked off a sweet and slid it between her lips.

Raven watched the smile that had been on Clarke's face widen into a grin as she took the pack of sweets from Lexa to take one for herself, before passing it on to Monty. The mechanic watched Lexa's eyelids flicker at Monty accepting the treats, and Clarke laughed, placing a chaste kiss on Lexa's cheeks which made Lexa blush.

But Raven saw the makings of a smile lift the corners of Lexa's lips again, and Raven noted the small bulge on the commander's cheek because of the treat she'd taken and it was hard, Raven noted, hard to reconcile this image of the commander with the one in her head. The one who had ordered Finn's death. The one who had ordered her torture. The one who had betrayed the Sky People.

But not really, Raven thought, as she accepted the packet of treats and actually slid one of them absentmindedly to her mouth. Because if Lexa had done all of that for the sake of the child she'd carried expertly in her hands, then maybe it was reconcilable. Maybe all the blood that had been spilled for the sake of the children and their ability to laugh and cling and hope was something they all would have fought for.

And they did. Raven looked back at Lexa now, who was steadfastly looking away from Clarke who was teasing her relentlessly. Lexa must have felt her stare, because the commander directed her eyes toward Raven. And Raven, with her heart heavy from everything she'd had to go through on the ground because of the grounders, because of the circumstances of her arrival, because of a gunshot wound she'd received not even from the ones they'd thought of as enemies, Raven gave a nod of acceptance, a smirk pulling at her lips. And it was the most she could do at the moment, because she was still healing, and for the longest time she hadn't allowed herself to.

She let herself relax now, in Monty's stalwart presence, in Clarke's constant protection, and in Lexa's boundless selflessness. Raven let herself relax as she took another sweet into her mouth, before tapping on Monty's arm. "Gotta go, nerd."

Monty nodded, not even offended at the nickname. "See you, Clarke. Probably in a couple of weeks."

Clarke nodded her head goodbye at Monty who gave her and Lexa a bow and a smile. Then, Raven called out, already about ten to fifteen feet away from them. "I'm taking this, commander!" She wiggled the packet of sweets before continuing to walk away.

Clarke was sure Lexa would have pouted had they been in private, but Lexa only watched Raven as she moved away, and Clarke laughed again. Lexa discretely poked Clarke's side as she led the two of them away and towards the tower. Clarke bumped her shoulder against Lexa's and she fought the smile that wanted to stretch her lips when Lexa ducked her head to hide hers. It was a wonder watching Lexa be as young as she was. Clarke would always revel in it.

"Someday, the children of Polis will pretend to be healers, farmers... and teachers. When war becomes only a memory," Lexa murmured, so only Clarke would hear. And that was Lexa's dream, Clarke thought as she looked back at Lexa's clear green eyes. Three days prior Lexa had spilled blood, ended a life of a rogue warrior who clamored for war. And today she speaks of the children's future, of children who are yet to be born, and Clarke will never stop being amazed at how far along Lexa envisions for her people. And Lexa only ever shares these thoughts with her.

Clarke wondered if people would love Lexa as much as Clarke did if they find out how much Lexa spent time thinking of others instead of herself. But Clarke also knew that the people of Polis did love Lexa, and did not just follow her because they had to. Her interaction with the children and the mother today proved it.

Clarke knew this interaction with the children gave Raven some insight on how Lexa really was, and she hoped Raven would give Lexa a chance. As she let Lexa lead her into the elevators that would soon be replaced with hydraulic pumps, care of the geniuses of Monty and Raven, Clarke smiled to herself. Maybe there was still a chance at reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't rush Raven's acceptance of Lexa, but I hear y'all. We will get there. But we have to start somewhere.
> 
> Also, any Naruto fans here, because yes, that is where Gaara came from, now the clan leader of Sangedakru (the Desert people).


	4. Polis to Ark. Over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa learns about Skaikru technology. Indra is a Lexa apologist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our dance concert is done, which means I have more time to write, which means I will be able to update more often. YAY

For all the bravery and regality that Lexa had, she wasn't nearly as open to change as Kane was. Definitely as a leader, Clarke thought as she held the wireless device in her hand while biting her lip. Lexa had pushed for the changes in Polis to be done for the convenience and the betterment of the lives of her people. But Lexa herself was wary of all the changes.

It was a little ironic.

At first, Clarke didn't even notice it. The first temporary circuit that had been installed was for Lexa's floor in the tower that she lived in. The handmaidens were quick to be enthralled by the light bulbs, glad for the light that they provided so they didn't have to walk around with lamps while their hands were full.

In Lexa's quarters, however, during the first night when electricity had just been introduced, Clarke had only chucked Lexa's reaction up to the brunette's natural propensity for flare. She'd learned about how Lexa had first met up with Marcus and Jaha and Clarke had teased Lexa about it, even if Lexa had said it needed to be done. Clarke would have loved to see it, though.

So, naturally, when she entered their room that first night with electricity in the tower, and Lexa was illuminated by candles as she sat in her black nightgown, Clarke had been entirely too distracted by the amount of skin exposed by the slit and the low back, and she'd thought Lexa had planned the whole thing: Clarke finding Lexa in the most enticing position. The fact that Lexa had looked up from the book she was reading at the time and had smiled affectionately, and then things had escalated to them ending up sleeping naked had only supported Clarke's musings.

But then, Clarke had started to notice that Lexa seemed to have apprehensions, the same way Lexa had struggled with accepting the change from _jus drein jus daun_ to _jus no drein jus daun_. Clarke remembered how Lexa had had nightmares about it, about how the AI that was installed beneath her skin had plagued her for weeks but had finally resolved after the war. But it seemed Lexa's apprehensions about new technology had more to do with something more Lexa than an actual AI taking over her thoughts.

The first time Clarke noticed was when she'd met up with Lexa during one of the commander's rounds throughout the city. It just so happened that it was in a part of the city that was now well lit because of the lamp posts the engineers from the Ark had sent. There were no more than about ten or fifteen that lined a street and the one perpendicular to it, but it was enough to allow children to run about even in the night. Clarke had felt her lips stretch into a smile upon seeing the youth of Polis.

But then she saw Lexa standing by a post, watching the children who were playing hide and seek using the shadows formed by the new lighting system, and Lexa was staring at the street back and forth. Clarke thought Lexa had looked wary while she did. Even then, though, Clarke didn’t really give it much thought.

Clarke's thoughts were only confirmed a few weeks later when Clarke had stayed in their room the whole day painting, so when Lexa entered it was already starting to get dark. Clarke had smiled at her, having missed the brunette the whole day, and had asked Lexa to please flip on the light switch conveniently located beside the door. Lexa had lifted a hand which hovered for a few seconds over the switch, before Lexa offered to light candles.

"Lexa-"

"They're brighter."

They weren't. But Clarke knew better than to pester Lexa about it. If she wasn't comfortable, then Clarke would let her be. Clarke's arrival had already heralded so many changes for the commander, and some days, Clarke actually felt a little guilty about it. She knew the _Skaikru_ had insisted on their privilege of living on earth, but Lexa's people had been there all their lives. Clarke was more aware of that already, and she made it a point to make Lexa feel comfortable, because she couldn't possibly just keep asking the brunette to keep adjusting to her.

Besides, it was maybe more than slightly endearing.

The first time Lexa _did_ use technology was probably a moment anyone could have predicted. Raven would have said so. She did say so later to Clarke, because she was there with Lexa when it happened.

While Clarke dealt with a reluctant Lexa, Raven dealt with the full spectrum of people who did and didn't want the changes in Polis, so the mechanic was more exposed to the consequent spectrum of reactions from enthusiasm to outright rejection. The latter they couldn't really carry out, since Lexa had already ordered the changes. So when Clarke offhandedly mentioned that Lexa still would rather use candles, Raven had known what it meant. And it was a non-issue for Raven. Because she barely ever got to see the commander, and as long as the commander allowed her to work, then Lexa could use all the candles she wanted.

As it was, Lexa's avoidance of technology was put to the test when Clarke had to stay in Arkadia for an extended period of time and Lexa couldn't follow because it was already autumn, and that meant winter was near. Lexa always got busy during the preparations for the season, especially since it involved increased dependence on each other of the thirteen clans, given that some of them, mainly those who depended mostly on farming to survive, could not do so anymore.

Really, it was Lexa who had insisted that Clarke take a break from all the duties that came with being Lexa's second-in-command, and visit her family. Lexa knew Clarke missed them, and the brunette didn't want for Clarke to feel like Lexa was keeping her away. Lexa was actually scheduled to visit at least twice in the month-long business trip that was actually more of a vacation for Clarke, but as it was, being the commander sometimes didn't allow for plans like that to come to fruition.

Sometimes Lexa thought she was asking for too much of the world to allow her the pleasure of being around Clarke for longer than she wanted.

Sometimes all the lessons that had been ingrained in her mind about how she was destined to be alone as the commander overwhelmed Lexa, too. And it was always worse when Clarke wasn't around.

So it was to Raven's surprise when, for the first time, she saw Lexa in her makeshift station, specially prepared under Lexa's orders so Raven would have her own area in Polis.

"What brings you here, commander?"

Lexa was looking around warily at all the devices that littered Raven's workspace, and her gaze settled on what was directly in front of the mechanic, because it was emitting a buzzing sound that was grating on Lexa's already slightly frayed sanity from not seeing Clarke for two weeks now.

_"I know you don't like technology very much, Lexa-"_

_Lexa looked offended. "It is not an issue for me, Clarke."_

_Clarke just gave her a bland look. "I_ know _you don't like technology very much, Lexa," she repeated, "but I'm going to tell you to please tell Raven to radio me in case something comes up. It'll take hours to send me a rider, and I'd like to know what's happening."_

_"My riders-"_

_"Are awesome. They're great. But if you radio me, you won't have to take 12 hours of their time."_

_"They can probably make the trip in ten," Lexa muttered, almost pouting. Clarke only rolled her eyes with an affectionate smile, but insisted Lexa tell Raven to radio her anyway._

Raven watched the commander swallow uncertainly, the only obvious sign that she was uncomfortable where she was, before Lexa finally met her eyes again. "Clarke has told me to… radio through you, in case something were to come up. I was to set out today for Arkadia, but _Trishanakru_ and _Yujledakru_ need my presence. I might not be able to visit her during the duration of her stay."

Naturally, the names of the clans Lexa mentioned flew right over Raven's head making her cringe. "Sorry, commander, but can you-"

It seemed Lexa already had the foresight to write what she wanted said down, and she was pulling a small piece of paper from her clasped hands behind her back, crisp and without any creases.

Raven wasn't even surprised that Lexa had tempered herself so well that she didn't even fidget in her discomfort. Not even with the small piece of paper.

Raven took the paper and turned to roll herself away from her worktable to the area where the radio was set up. They'd already been able to set up radios for five clans, and it had been of great help in coordinating among them. It was what the _Skaikru_ have promised the coalition, and so far, it was winning the once reluctant clans over.

Raven had even made a friend from _Trikru_ , because they'd asked so many questions about how to work the radio during the first two weeks.

Raven fixed the frequency for Arkadia, lifting the receiver to her lips when she noticed that Lexa had hung around, hands once again behind her back, and watching Raven fiddle with the dials of the radio.

"Uh… I've got it, commander. You can-" Then she watched Lexa's eyes flicker to her own, and for some reason, Raven found herself saying, "I mean you can stay while I radio, I guess."

"I will do so, Raven, thank you." Lexa once again shifted her eyes towards the unfamiliar gadget, and if Raven knew better, she would have noticed Lexa starting to get antsy. But Raven didn't quite know her so Raven didn't see Lexa's jaw clenching and unclenching in her unsettled mood.

"Polis to Ark. Over."

It took about almost a minute, and Lexa was about to ask Raven what was supposed to happen, but then there was a male voice answering.

_"Loud and clear, Polis. Over."_

Raven grinned and rested her chin on her fist, losing the formality after realizing who was manning the radio station at Arkadia. "Stuck on radio duty, Miller?"

_"Lost a bet to Bryan. I can't believe he wouldn't want me off, too."_

"That's because you landed him on patrol when he'd been excited to get here."

Raven heard Miller scoff from the other end, and she had to laugh because her friend opted to let her hear him do that. _"He wasn't exactly fighting me off. In fact-"_

"Woah-kay." Raven pressed the radio so Lexa wouldn't have to hear whatever it was Miller was just about to reveal. She let go, checked that the line was free, and re-pressed the button. "Commander behind me, Miller. Might want to censor."

There was a twelve second pause before Miller replied. _"Good afternoon, commander."_

Raven would have laughed again, but decided she needed to get on with Lexa's request. "I've a message to deliver. Is Clarke available?"

_"Yeah, yeah. She was actually near the engineering tent checking up on the devices that are supposed to be sent to the _Azgeda_. I'll get her. One sec."_

The line went silent, and Raven shook her head in amusement at what Lexa had nearly heard over the radio. "Clarke's close, commander. The engineering tent isn't too far from the radio station."

Lexa nodded her head once, having brushed off what happened, too focused on the radio that would emit Clarke's voice in just a short while. They had been separated for longer but it had never been because Clarke had to be in Arkadia. Lexa had never voiced out her concern about Clarke realizing that she wanted to stay there in Arkadia, what was once known as the Ark, her home for most of her life, and away from Lexa. But it was there. And two weeks without seeing the blonde just made the fear all the more palpable.

And maybe nights weren't as peaceful without Clarke.

And maybe it took less for Lexa's demons to take over.

After about fifteen minutes, Miller was back. _"Clarke's here, Rave."_

There was a short span of silence before- _"What's up, Raven?"_

And Raven, she would have been one of the first persons to say that Lexa was heartless before. Lexa had ordered her torture. Lexa had called for the death of her only family, her first love who, by then, did not love her back anymore. Lexa had left her people to die. She blamed Lexa for her torture in the hands of the people from Mount Weather.

She had started to change her mind, of course. In the same capacity that she had started to let go of so many things ever since she arrived at the ground. Everything was different, and every few months something big and dangerous happened, and they had all been through so much. But nothing would have changed her mind more than what she witnessed when Clarke's voice, raspy and with a bit of static from the radio, filtered through her workspace and reached her ears and Lexa's.

She watched Lexa's shoulders slump, and she realized how tense Lexa was, just waiting for Clarke on the other end. She watched Lexa place a hand on the table as if she needed support, even as Raven saw the struggle for the older woman to keep herself upright and regal for Raven's sake. Just her. There wasn't anybody else there. But upbringing had Lexa stiffening her spine for the pair of eyes now on her, even as her throat bobbed with emotion.

And it was really that that had Raven lifting the receiver to Lexa, and she waited for Lexa's eyes to shift from the speaker to Raven's hand. "Press this button to talk. Let go so you hear her."

Lexa released a breath as she looked warily at the device, and the both ignored the _"Raven?"_ that was prompting the mechanic to speak. Lexa slowly took the receiver from Raven, and Raven gave her a single nod before rolling to her workstation to flip something off that cut off the buzzing in the air that Lexa had already forgotten about. She then pushed off her thighs to get up. "I'll give you some privacy, _Heda_."

The commander murmured a thank you that Raven barely heard, and out of curiosity, Raven played off her limp so she'd be a lot slower in her progress to leave.

Lexa stared at the device in her hand for a while longer, and it was the concerned _"Raven, is something wrong?"_ that shook Lexa out of her stupor.

"Clarke."

Pause.

_"Lexa." Lexa almost sighed. "Finally using technology, I see."_

Lexa had to smile at the obvious laughter in Clarke's voice. "Mockery again, Clarke."

Clarke's laughter filtered through the radio, familiarly raspy and unfamiliarly gritty because of the low quality sound of the radio but still so _Clarke_ and Lexa's smile just widened. It simultaneously made Lexa miss her less and more at the same time. _"You must miss me, huh?"_

This time Lexa did sigh, leaning forward to rest her weight on the table in front of her. Because she did. _Heavens_ , she did. "More than you will ever comprehend, Clarke."

Lexa's almost breathy proclamation was the last that Raven heard before she decided she needed to actually give the couple privacy. She found herself musing about reconciling images of the commander in her head, and she decided that she needed to start really changing her mind.

Because Clarke… Clarke really did change the commander.

* * *

"The commander is a sap."

Lincoln nudged Octavia making the girl stumble while she walked, but she only laughed. "Don't insult _Heda_ ," Lincoln murmured, looking towards Clarke who was smiling as she looked down at her feet to hide the slight blush on her cheeks.

She'd missed Lexa. She was disappointed that she wouldn't be able to see the young woman for longer than she anticipated, but the unexpected radio call had done wonders. The fact that she was the reason Lexa finally started using technology was also not lost on her. It only managed to make her smile wider.

"Yeah, with a smile like that, I wonder why people even started calling you _Wanheda_." Octavia was freely joking because it was Clarke, and teasing Clarke was something she liked to do, even if she had reservation about the commander. But having heard Lexa telling Clarke something that amounted to the commander sounding lost without her blonde frient made Octavia pause. Lincoln had to pull her away so they and Miller could give Clarke privacy.

"I do not think we would want to be the receiving end of _Wanheda's_ wrath, Octavia. Please stop teasing Clarke," Lincoln warned, even as his lips started to pull up at the sides, too, especially when Clarke's own smile had widened.

"I bet there was phone-sex-"

This time it was Clarke who nudged Octavia away, and it was stronger, which made Octavia stumble and laugh again. "Don't get me started with all the rumors about you both," Clarke warned, but the smile was still on her face and she knew it was going to be there the rest of the day just because she heard Lexa's voice.

Octavia only grinned. "I don't take offense about things like this, Clarke, you should know. I can talk about Lincoln and I and how we-"

Lincoln slapped a hand over Octavia's mouth, arm wrapping around her shoulders, and if Lincoln had Clarke's skin color, Clarke was sure he would be as red as a tomato. As it was, the only thing visible to Clarke is his stiff back, and the fact that he couldn't look at Clarke anymore.

"You should shut up more for Lincoln's sake than mine, O. But then I heard you just _can't_ stay quiet," Clarke jibed laughing. She almost started cackling when Lincoln let his arms drop because it seemed to be a lost cause to be keeping the both of them quiet.

"I believe the farmers are in need of me. I will see you later, Octavia. Clarke." He brisk walked away, not meeting their eyes as he did.

The pair only laughed harder only settling down when they saw Indra approaching them, a rare smile on her face. Clarke had started to associate it with Indra whenever she was around people she trusted, like Marcus and Octavia. It seemed it had more opportunity to appear on the older _Trikru's_ face now that the war was over.

"You need to give Lincoln a break sometimes, Octavia," Indra chided, falling into step with the pair as they headed towards the engineering tent again. Indra was set to travel with the _Skaikru_ representatives to the sixth clan that would hopefully have another communication station installed. Indra was travelling as Lexa's representative and translator in case one was needed. Having her a guide also ensured that the _Skaikru_ visiting members would act accordingly as the culture of the clan dictated.

"Why? He doesn't give me a break at night."

Indra visibly cringed while Clarke's shoulders dropped. "Stop," the blonde muttered.

"'Cause you're not getting any?"

Indra interjected then. "We do not talk of the commander that way, Octavia."

"I was just teasing Clarke," Octavia defended, but her shoulders had already stiffened. The commander was a sore topic for both of them, Indra having only been loyal to Lexa except for the moment when she had let Lincoln go when Lexa had ordered a retreat outside the mountain. While Indra had let her own beliefs take over then, it was the one and only time she had allowed herself that privilege.

The commander was law, almost god-like in stature in their society. And while Lexa was trying to change that, it was difficult to shed learnings of all of Indra's years as _Trikru_.

"You implied insult of the commander. I have little tolerance for such insolence." Indra had dropped all warmth that she had directed at the two younger girls, diverting her gaze so she wouldn't glare at her second, who was still stubbornly holding on to her beliefs.

"She's a tyrant."

"And you forget that Clarke is _Heda's_ second," Indra added evenly, reigning in her temper.

Clarke placed a hand on Indra's upper arm to calm her, and exhaled herself. Lexa had been a taboo topic between her and Octavia ever since Clarke arrived for her business trip turned vacation, and this was the first time she was mentioned. Clarke should have known it would go downhill from there.

But she wasn't going to let the good mood Lexa had put her in to be completely erased by Octavia's words. "Don't worry, Indra. Octavia and I are friends." _Barely_ , she thought.

Octavia shook her head. "I gotta go find Lincoln."

The two were left to watch Octavia walk away, knowing it was for the best that they didn't argue about Lexa anymore when the same arguments were just going to be brought up.

"Octavia still has ignorant eyes," Indra intoned, watching the back of her second disappear in the crowd of _Skaikru_ people milling about. "She does not know of being a leader, and the sacrifices it entails."

Clarke thought back to everything she'd had to do and the fact that she only really had Lexa to understand everything she'd had to give up, her youth, her innocence, for the lives of her people. They were permanent fixtures in her mind, a constant dull throb in her chest whenever she remembered and Clarke tried very hard not to dwell on those thoughts. But there were moments, when people mentioned sacrifice, that she would remember. And months ago she would have recoiled.

But now she also remembered how Lexa had communicated her understanding of what Clarke was going through, that when she came back from her three month escape from her life she had Lexa who had stood vulnerable beneath her blade and had only apologized, even then taking responsibility for what she'd done to Clarke, for what Clarke did.

Lexa who had offered herself up to Clarke when the rest of the coalition would mindlessly offer their lives for Lexa and Clarke would remember how much Lexa had really given up, too. Including her heart when she'd walked away from Clarke outside of the Mountain.

And the dull throb in her chest would stop feeling hollow and it would swell.

As was her reaction whenever she remembered Lexa. Lexa and her breathy greeting earlier on the speaker of the radio. Lexa and her belief that Clarke wouldn't understand how much Lexa would miss the blonde, when really, Clarke felt the loss as acutely as Lexa did, hand clutching at the receiver of the radio when she'd heard Lexa's voice, soft and affectionate even through the static and gritty radio sound emitting through outdated speakers.

"I'm glad for your loyalty, Indra." Clarke managed a smile, the high of her talk with Lexa lifting her mood faster than it should have been normally after two weeks of separation.

"It is not difficult to be loyal to _Heda_. She makes it easy to believe in her," Indra stated, as if she was speaking of an indomitable truth. Indra was not blinded by legends of commanders being infallible. But as commanders go, and Indra has been fighting under seven commanders, she was aware that Lexa was one of the most compassionate about her people, even as she was ruthless about imposing her laws.

Clarke smiled. "You're one of a few who believe that."

Indra pursed her lips. "The clan leaders are only against the commander's reign because they think they can do better." Indra's face relaxed once more, and the corner of her lips lifted in an almost affectionate smile. "It is only _Heda_ who has a clear vision of what she wants for her people, and does everything that she can to achieve it."

Indra's eyes softened, and a melancholic look settled on her eyes. "She saved my _houmon_ when I could not."

Lexa mentioned this to Clarke in passing, about Indra losing her husband to being a reaper. Clarke didn't know Lexa had been the one to release him by killing him. Clarke wondered how many more people Lexa had chosen to carry on her shoulders so that their spouses, their children, would not have to.

"She is the first commander to limit her warriors to one per family. To spare us pain. That is why the former allied clans equal the rest of the other clans in number of warriors despite us being the largest clans by population."

Indra shook her head. "She has done much, _Hedatu_ , but not many appreciate it."

"You weren't so quick to believe in the commander about the _Skaikru_ , either, Indra," Clarke teased, even as her heart felt like it had just grown again because of her pride for Lexa. Despite her words, Clarke recognized that Indra's reluctance still didn't get in the way of her trust for the decisions Lexa made, even with regard to fostering an alliance with the people who burned down 300 of Lexa's warriors.

Indra's lips thinned, but Clarke could recognize that it was an attempt not to smile. "I can understand _Heda's_ gripe about you _Skaikru's_ mockery."

This made Clarke laugh. "Lexa loves it." Indra had not doubt about that. "Come on. Train me a bit. I've been slacking since I got here and Lexa's just going to be mean about it when I get home. I doubt I'd get you to tell Lexa we trained if we actually didn't." Clarke maimed a sidelong glance towards the older woman.

With a headshake, Indra extended a hand towards the pits, made available for the physical training of the guards. "I respect _Heda_ as much as I fear her, _Hedatu_. Conniving, even with you, does not bode well for me."

"Spoilsport," Clarke muttered, but her previous feeling of having just spoken to Lexa was already restored. She could do with some bruises, then. She'll just have Lexa fuss over her when she got back, because that's always fun to witness.


	5. Solo Gonplei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to neutralize delinquents and ends up having to do more than that. Lexa is a worried girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i took too long. :( writer's block. and i'm dying from med school. i just learned our summer break is all of three weeks before we go back. it's a fucking mess, guys.
> 
> These will be mentioned, so it's better I put them here so I don't have to constantly mention their translations.  
> Canon translations  
> Kongeda - Coalition  
> Non-canon translations (I just made these up hahahhaha)  
> Seisokru - from seiso which is advice, and kru which means people or group  
> cura - (Latin) care

Clarke released a breath before she dismounted her horse, the shoulder guard with a blue sash sliding so it fell down her back like it usually did, blue for the color of the sky, but of a darker shade to match the strength _Heda_. It was all a bit too much, to be honest, but Clarke learned long ago that being a leader was half building the image. There was no other way a twenty-something year old be the coalition's commander.

She stood now, the clasps of her armor tight but not constricting. It was similar to what Lexa usually wore, and like the rest of what had been designed for Clarke months ago was meant for both protection and a symbol of her authority. She only ever wore it whenever she was going to deal with the subservient. Otherwise, she was known to dress more casually than Lexa, more likely to be found caring for people, but not less likely to be successful in dealing with the lawbreakers.

Clarke's hands moved to slide her hood down to reveal her face. Not that she needed to unhood to be recognized. The trail of warriors behind her and the color of her horse, the darkest of black while Lexa's was white, gave her away. Nevertheless, her hair, bright against the noon sun, and distinctive amongst a people who were born genetically with dark hair, she easily stood out. The mere action of exposing herself beneath the hood was enough to make the crowd part in front of her.

Vaguely, she thought about how it was Lexa's legs she was parting before their warriors had come with the news of rebels west of the city.

She clenched her jaw to dispel her thoughts already missing the fingers that had been threading through her hair. If she looked menacing while she did was just an extra advantage.

Clarke turned towards the city guard who wasn't restraining one of the five insurgents. _"Chit don kom au?"_ _What happened?_

The guard stepped forward, holding his head high. _"Emo flosh suma via soncha klin. Led bida sipil op gon tafjur misbah op."_ _They destroyed the main road lights. A few civilians were injured when the lamps exploded._

He picked something up from beside him holding it up for Clarke to see. Clarke stepped forward to take it from him. She studied the broken bulb from a supposed overhead streetlamp. Although worried about repairs, Clarke looked up again, her priority always the safety of her people. _"Don lid sipil in gon fisa?"_ _Have the civilians been taken to the healers?_

_"Sha, Hedatu."_

Clarke looked back down at the ruined lamp, hot underneath her hands because the sun was at its peak. The kids were smart enough to destroy them when the circuits around the city were turned off because of the time of the day, which meant risk for electrocution was virtually nil. She wondered how they came to that conclusion when Raven had only taught a handful how they worked. Clarke was begrudgingly impressed.

Nevertheless, Clarke had to address the destruction of Polis property. _"Tona ha?"_ _How many?_

 _"Ogeda kom der-"_ _Everything from there_ He pointed to a corner nearest them, about a quarter of a block from where they were standing under the shade of a store front. _"Gon der."_ _To there._ His hand extended towards another corner, the distance his hand had spanned equating to about two blocks.

Clarke frowned, squinting upward to see how many lamps were affected. She counted eight, maybe nine of them, by the looks of the last one that was hanging by a thin wire. She would have to ask one of the people Raven had trained for simple repairs to cut that down before it falls on the head of a bystander.

The blonde suppressed a sigh. These would take a couple of weeks to fix, and it was the busiest street leading to the commander's tower, which meant it had to be lit every night. Lexa was trying to make herself more available for her people, now that the coalition wasn't worried about a raging war. That meant making ways for the tower to become more accessible, more welcoming for the citizens. Just making the path brighter had done well to make Polis seem more open, feel safer.

Already, Clarke was running through what had to be done to fix the situation. The replacement parts would take long, seeing as production of the components slowed, following the reprioritization from upgrading the city to readying for the very near winter. Raven had also shifted her focus to readying Arkadia for its second winter, working with Wick to try and improve the temperature regulator of the late Ark. So the rest of the clans had to pause in their upgrades.

They were just lights, Clarke thought, but they were the symbol of slow and steady progress. And the careless act of destroying them was a clear act of rejection of the change that was happening. It was one of the petty ones, of course. Clarke had lost one of her warriors just a week ago who had, only by some chance, shifted his stance and had caught an arrow that was meant for her. The perpetrator was now locked up inside the prisons beneath their feet.

But these kids… they were just delinquents.

Clarke handed the broken lamp to the guard again, before walking toward the girl who was glaring at her the hardest. The rest of her group were looking down, already starting to make themselves as small as possible as if that would hide them from the eyes of _Wanheda_. Clarke had to admire the young girl. She had guts.

 _"Chit naam yu?"_ _What's your name?_ While firm, Clarke's voice wasn't angry, nor accusatory. She found it threw people off whenever they realized she was a lot less callous in person, and the flicker of confusion on the young girl's before she was able to school her features let Clarke know that the rebellion was misplaced.

The young girl stayed silent, looking defiantly up at the person who, for all intents and purposes, was the second leader of Polis. Almost _Heda_ , Clarke had heard sometimes. It was a difficult balance to maintain, trying to reinforce Lexa's authority and trying to promote hers without undoing the former. Most have already accepted it, only waiting for the union of the two women leaders to completely remove all barriers to their joint rule. A small group, however, remained stalwart in their protest.

"Lira."

Clarke stood straight from the semi crouch she'd been in to look at the girl--Lira, apparently--so she wouldn't have her stare up at Clarke. She turned to her right looking at the guard to nonverbally order him to keep still, before she turned her head further, her body twisting with the movement. Her eyes settled on Aden, hands behind his back like the way Lexa usually holds hers in front of her people. Clarke had come to learn that Aden's mannerism were similar to Lexa's, as if even that was part of the Nightbloods' training.

Of course, Clarke was also aware of the stark differences. She saw layers of Aden she knew she would have seen on Lexa had Clarke been there with the commander while she was growing up. She watched Aden's smile, rarely in front of the people of Polis, but with his fellow Nightbloods to whom he'd taken an eldest brother role, Clarke had seen it often. Aden always seemed to smile with his heart. As young as he was and while being made aware of the perils of being a commander, he still hasn't lost his wonder for life.

The past few months, Lexa had been less strict on the Nightbloods, and this brought out a side to them that they had once only kept to themselves. Clarke would see Aden wrapping an arm around one of his de facto sisters, ruffling the hair of his brothers, teasing them when Lexa gets called out for a few minutes during lessons.

She couldn't help but feel her heart ache thinking of a time when Lexa had been like that, not jaded by everything she has gone through, everything she was forced to do just to keep her people alive. At the time, Lexa must have felt like she would be perpetually at war. Clarke wondered if Lexa would be different, maybe more affectionate with her than a few charged gazes in public.

Oddly enough, while she ached for a young, carefree Lexa, she didn't love _her_ Lexa any less.

"She's Ligaya's eldest sister." Aden motioned to the girl on his left, maybe a handful of years younger, and young enough that the serious expression on her face still looked adorable instead of stoic. Clarke was always partial to the younger Nightbloods because of this. But she fought for all of them when she had brought up a motion against the ritualistic killing of Nightbloods in order for the true commander to ascend. She and Lexa were still working on changing that.

Clarke nodded, not bothering to ask the four Nightbloods, the four who were oldest, why they were there. Lexa had started to increasingly involve them in more than just the tactical side of being the commander, but also being immersed with the people of Polis. They had once been too carefully protected. Now Lexa was letting them roam.

She turned back to Lira who was still steadfastly glaring at her, and she almost smiled. "Lira." In a gesture of challenge, despite her arms being restrained by a guard, Lira raised an eyebrow. As obedient by the laws Lira's younger sister was as one of the Nightbloods, it seemed Lira was the exact opposite.

With a curious cock of her head, Clarke delivered her second question. _"Don ha yu get flosh emo in gon deimeika laik au?"_ _How did you know to destroy them when the sun is out?_

Lira tried to keep her eyes steady, but Clarke saw her eyes flicker sideways. To her younger sister. The Nightbloods had the leeway to choose who they wanted to tail in order to learn more about Polis. Ligaya, Clarke recalled, was one of two who were fascinated with the changes Polis was undergoing, so of course that meant tailing Raven. It seemed Raven did more than just show them what she did.

 _"Yu na led bidaunon op."_ _You could have hurt someone._

"I didn't."

The accent was rough, but Clarke was surprised that she could speak English at all. While Lexa has already started expanding the education program of Polis by getting teachers for a few classes, Clarke was aware that not a lot of them want to learn. She was surprised that a teenager like Lira who could probably look for something more fun to do than going to classes had chosen to do the latter instead.

"But you still could have," Clarke said, still speaking in a clam voice. "A lot of kids play around the streets, Lira."

Clarke watched Lira's jaw clench in defiance, but her eyes couldn't hide the guilt in them anymore. "I not let brothers and sisters get hurt."

Clarke gave a small nod, not minding the untrained English. "I know." Lira frowned in confusion at the agreement. "But now they would have to walk the streets at night without the light they could have been afforded by those lamps."

"We not need lamps," Lira hissed. _"Oso don talam kik raun op nou emo."_ _We learned to live without them._

"But we will live better with them, Lira," Clarke insisted gently. "People already feel safer with them around."

"Is that what you tell everyone, _Wanheda_?"

Clarke's eyes, with nothing but understanding in them, shifted from the young girl up to someone behind them. Clarke recognized him as one of the advisers that sometimes attended the meeting of the leaders of the clans. He was Migel of the _Boudalankru_.

"It is the truth." Clarke's voice brooked no argument, and it was a world of difference from how she spoke to Lira. Clarke knew to shift into a position of more authority and less margin for compromise when it came to the leaders. They were always the ones who bargained for more, and yet gave so much less. Especially the clans farthest from Polis, almost always receiving provisions last due to logistical reasons, that they almost always took personally.

Migel nodded his head, stepping forward. Clarke knew whatever his opinions were, they were going to affect the impressionable minds of the young present, but she didn't want to dismiss them either. So she braced herself for whatever was going to happen, almost wishing Lexa hadn't passed this off to her. She saw Migel pick up something from the stall he passed by, chucking it back before facing her again. "So… the clans with these… lights. They are already better?"

"I'm not fond of repeating myself, Migel," Clarke spoke with a warning in her voice. She didn't want anything to start here.

Migel didn't seem fazed, his features, while rough, as adorned by a smile. But his eyes were anything but feral. "I am merely asking. I am allowed, yes?" He shrugged a little. "However, does this not imply that without these _lights_ , we are worse?" He dropped his smile and schooled his features into a look of worry. "That, all along, the _Skaikru_ have always been the better clan." He dropped all pretenses altogether. "With their lights-"

"Migel-"

"And their guns-"

Clarke had to raise her hand to stop the guards who were with her from making a move, swords halting from being unsheathed.

"Their bombs that massacred entire villages." He nodded exaggeratedly. "Better indeed."

Aden was swift in his advance so he stood in front of Clarke, hands stiff as if he was ready to take out a weapon, but still hanging by his sides. _"Wanheda._ His tone was that of a warrior only awaiting orders, and she longed to place a hand on his shoulder to still him, away from responsibilities such as this.

But they weren't afforded such pleasures. Not yet.

Instead, she drew herself up, as tall as she could make herself, and remembered vaguely how the last duel she'd been in had started as innocuously as this did. She wondered if the clan leaders and advisors simply looked for the smallest reason to incite rebellion in the people, and whether or not it was enough to actually encourage people to go against their rule.

"Hiding behind a child?" Migel taunted, hand resting on his sword now.

Clarke knew that if Aden was any less trained with his emotions, he would have already sent a dagger flying, but Clarke only saw him stiffen in front of her, and this time, she did place a hand on his arm. _"Chil yu daun, Natblida. Dison nou yu gonplei."_ _Stand down, Nightblood. This is not your fight._

 _"Nou."_ The _Boudalankru_ advisor met Clarke's eyes, his own feral as he directed them to Clarke's. Clarke suddenly remembered where this was coming from. His niece was injured, electrocuted, while playing around the area where the guards have already barricaded to keep people from the very fate she got. Clarke was able to restart her heart, but she knew the little girl was still weak, still recovering. Clarke was already prepared for the backlash.

Migel sneered as he stepped around the young kids still being restrained so he was closer to Clarke now, only a couple of feet, only separated by a glaring Aden, and a guard whose sword was already half unsheathed. _"Ai gonplei laik kom Heda."_ _My fight is with the commander._

Clarke's own hands fisted on her sides at those words, always protective of the one person who has sacrificed too much for people she would not be able to know in her lifetime. Clarke was convinced that if Migel stopped badmouthing Lexa right now, she would still be able to stop herself form escalating this to something she knew she would regret.

But Migel wasn't done.

 _"Em slip oso thru."_ _She failed us._

Clarke could almost feel Aden bristle in front of her, the guards around them unsheathe their weapons, ready to strike at this blatant lack of respect for the commander. Clarke could feel her own temper simmering just beneath the surface, usually so easy to control, but not when it was Lexa who was being attacked, physically or otherwise.

And let it be known that _Wanheda's_ wrath was not a foreign concept. Everyone knew to fear the commander's second, even when she's the one who usually heals.

Migel shrugged like he couldn't feel the tension his words were inciting from the people around him, his own guards starting to shrink from the pressure coming from the ones who swore to protect their commander till their deaths. Unwittingly, Migel still kept talking. _"Heda beda wan op gon Sonchageda."_ _The commander should have died in the City of Light._

Eight swords were suddenly unsheathed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A lot of changes took place after her joining with Lexa, a proclamation for her position the first of its kind. She still received a lot of doubts, and during the first few months, Lexa and she had to deal with the actualization of these doubts in two very different ways.

It all started with Clarke's forced ascension. It wasn't even Lexa's idea. The commander was only too willing to keep Clarke from the affairs that she knew were too heavy for people as young as they were. Lexa had been thrust into it from such a young age, and she knew she had no choice. Her heart that had been ripe with adventure and love had to be stripped of its very essence. With the insertion of the chip on her spine, Lexa had been taught that she was slowly going to lose herself, and transition instead into a leader her people needed.

No longer Lexa.

Only _Heda_.

Lexa was aware that no matter what, her people would need her. It was an inevitability since the first time she'd bled the color of the darkness that transcends the night, the color that she must force herself through to be the light of her people. She thought, she _hoped_ she'd be given the freedom when it came to Clarke's part in the coalition.

As it was, the advisors of the commander, shifted from one flamekeeper to thirteen trusted and democratically selected high priests from the thirteen clans was organized, and they all thought it would be best for the coalition to see _Heda_ and _Wanheda_ together, the latter known first for her defeat of the mountain, and eventually for the safe return of the coalition's commander from the City of Light. The two very different acts, the bringer of death to the _Maunon_ , enemy to the _Kongeda_ , and yet the bringer of life to the _Kongeda_ , symbolized by _Heda_ , had essentially elevated Clarke.

The _Seisokru_ had begrudgingly admitted that it was enough to put Clarke on the same level as the commander. The events at the mountain already jeopardized Lexa's credibility as a leader. The fact that Clarke had saved her when her people believed her invincible was the last straw.

The only way to convince the coalition that Lexa was still capable was to either kill Clarke, or to fuse their authority over their people, rule the lands as their own. It was going to be the first time that the lands were going to be led by two people, but it was a risk Lexa was willing to take. She just didn't expect that while she was going to be questioned, Clarke was going to bear a very significant brunt of the wrath of her people.

Clarke experienced her first _Solo Gonplei_ a few days shy of a month after she was declared _Hedatu_. Lexa had stiffened when the challenge had been made, and she was ready to stand and be Clarke's champion. But she also knew that Clarke had something to prove, that winning the fight would strengthen their stance as a unit, as two people who would govern the lands instead of Lexa ruling alone.

To her surprise, Clarke had been willing to do it. The nature of Clarke's acquiescence was later explained when Clarke won the fight by her vast knowledge of the human body, Lexa recalled, but chose to spare the life of the warrior she had fought. Clarke had announced how the warrior would have to live his life with the knowledge that _Wanheda_ , _Hedatu_ known _Skaikru_ , known healer more than warrior, had defeated him.

And as Clarke has already been known to save as many lives as healer as she took as _Wanheda_ during the first few months of her stay on Earth, the spectators around them had knelt, reverent, completely subservient, to the second commander who seemed to be able to control both life and death.

Clarke sat now, after her second _Solo Gonplei_ , bloodied and bruised and trying not to feel dizzy watching while Lexa fumed pacing and seemingly carving a trench where she walked back and forth. Mon, one of the senior healers of Polis, was cleaning her wounds, and it was only a slight pressure to her side that had Clarke hissing out a breath in apparent pain.

 _"Kom cura au."_ _Be careful._ Lexa's voice was low, firm. She didn't at all sound like she was angry, and that was what terrified the healer in front of Clarke. It was the voice Lexa used when she commanded armies, and everyone who had already heard it was conditioned to fear her.

It didn't take long until the healer was excusing herself, bowing to both of them before hurrying away.

Clarke frowned a little. "You didn't have to be callous."

Lexa chose to ignore Clarke's reprimand and when she spoke, her voice belied an underlying current of fury she was just barely able to suppress. "What happened? I thought we agreed you would not accept any more challenges. What happened to 'Blood must not have blood'? You could have been killed, Clarke."

Clarke refrained from flinching as she adjusted how she was seated, knowing showing how much pain she was in wasn't going to improve Lexa's mood. "You said it will take time for the people to accept that mandate. I understand that. Change isn't something we can just force on them. That's why I accepted."

"That's not what I heard."

Clarke carefully kept her face blank, knowing the particular bit of information she had hoped Lexa wouldn't find out had already spread through Polis, which meant despite Clarke instructing her guards not to mention anything to Lexa, someone else probably already had.

"What did you hear, then?"

Lexa seemed to pull herself up taller, readying herself for an altercation. "You provoked that warrior to challenge you."

 _Clarke directed a glare at the _Boudalankru_ advisor as she stepped around Aden. "Issue your challenge, then, _natrona_." She watched his facial features morph into that of glee, thinking how easy it had been to rope Clarke into actually bringing up a _ solo gonplei _over lamps. "And choose your champion like the coward that you are."_

Clarke wasn't sure if it would have escalated that much if she hadn't provoked him. But she wasn't about to admit that to Lexa. It wasn't her fault, after all, that the advisor let his pride win and actually rashly decided to fight her himself.

"You have no way to prove that." Not one to back down, not even from Lexa, Clarke stood up, feeling the ends of her cracked ribs grind against each other painfully as she shifted to hold herself high, fierce and completely stubborn.

Clarke watched Lexa take a breath, as if trying to calm herself down. "Clarke. A _Solo Gonplei_ is not a fight simulation. It is not the same as me ordering our warriors to fight with you in training. The warriors of other clans who challenge you will not extend the same courtesy as letting you live."

"They don't have to. I'm alive, right?"

 _"Jok up!"_ _Fuck!_ Lexa paced away from Clarke, breathing deeply still, as if it was all she could do to keep herself from doing anything rash. She rounded on Clarke, hair flying as she turned. "You could have died!"

Not the least bit repentant, Clarke only shifted on her feet, more from the discomfort of the mere act of breathing. Mon had murmured that she was to come back with her medication for the pain. It would allow Clarke peaceful sleep for the night. She watched Lexa's eyes soften slightly, noticing how Clarke wasn't quite breathing as deeply as she should be, avoiding expanding her chest wall too much so it wouldn't hurt.

Lexa shook her head, walking towards Clarke again. "You are usually better at handling the rebels, Clarke. It is the reason I trust you with them."

"I can only handle so much blatant disrespect," Clarke admitted in a low voice, the small face off draining her of what was left after her fight.

Lexa sighed at Clarke's words, lifting a hand to run over a bruise on Clarke's jaw that was already starting to look an angry purple. "Well-"

"He said he wished you died in the City of Light."

Lexa watched Clarke's eyes flash, a challenge in her gaze despite the exhaustion threatening to make the blonde's body collapse. Lexa's hand shifted, sliding over Clarke's cheek hoping to placate her. "A tenth of the population of the people we rule think that, Clarke, maybe more. Perhaps significantly less than how it was during the first few months of our rule, but-"

Clarke shook her head, placing a hand over Lexa's on her cheek. "I can deal with the criticisms, Lex. I'll even fight as many duels as I have to."

"Let us hope it does not come to that," Lexa interrupted evenly.

Clarke felt her lips twitch into a smile, but her eyes remained fierce. "Let me finish. I can deal with the criticisms. But I won't tolerate any kind of threat to your life, implied or otherwise." She squeezed Lexa's hand on her cheek, trying to get her point across, before relaxing her hand once more so it was only lightly holding Lexa's hand in place.

"As for the duels… changing the rules of the duels is as far as what we can do right now. Small changes, just like you said."

"I would rather you avoided these things altogether, _hodnes_." Lexa gave her perfunctory single nod, always one to limit her movements, even in Clarke's presence. "But yes, we are encouraging a lot more to sway towards nonviolence with the changes the _Skaikru_ are making. The democratic vote was largely a contributor to the transition."

While the different clans had different ways of choosing their next leaders, Clarke had suggested that the _Seisokru_ be chosen by means of a majority vote, to emphasize the difference of the function of the ambassadors and the _Seisokru_ , the latter being a new branch of leadership that would focus on legislation. It was a part of governance that Lexa hadn't really been able to focus on upon establishment of the coalition. After all, the coalition was young, and most of Lexa's duties during the first year had really been to stop any form of insurgences and rebellions to keep the twelve clans at peace.

With both an executive and legislative branches established, the laws of the coalition had started being modified. While their culture was used to the brutal ways of punishing the wicked, Lexa had tried to implore with her legislative body that they should shift slowly towards a form of government that also rewarded the good. Lexa knew there were still a few clans who were wary of the change, but the leaders of the clans who were inclined towards peace, like Luna, had backed the commander.

"But I am against you taking on anymore duels, Clarke. They are not to be toyed with. You were to neutralize the threat, but not engage. I would have taken care of them if you had left them as they were."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, words said months ago to her bubbling up to top fo her consciousness. " _You are driven to fix everything for everyone-_ "

Lexa almost rolled her eyes, but sheer discipline had her staring straight ahead. "Clarke-"

"Lexa," Clarke mocked.

"I would rather you didn't do things alone anymore," Lexa said softly, her mood shifting. "I would like to believe the joining of our people through the declaration of our co-leadership has ensured that we don't have to bear the heavy weight of our positions alone anymore."

Clarke's stance softened, finally understanding where Lexa was coming from, aside from Lexa's constant worry for Clarke. "We both know the people receive us differently. Our people still have doubts about me leading."

Lexa sighed. "Sometimes peace feels more difficult than war."

Clarke smiled a little, but it as a little subdued, a little painful from the several bruises on her face. "Just difficult in different ways."

Lexa hummed in acknowledgement, giving in to the need to be closer, slipping her arms around Clarke's waist to pull her gently against Lexa. Her hands were gentle, almost only grazing over Clarke's top, but she was only being careful of the bruises she knew weren't visible to her at the moment. Like her, Clarke had the tendency to hide her pains. It was something of a leader flaw, Lexa mused, leaning forward to run her lips over the skin of Clarke's cheek, but not pressing completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i'm sorry this is shit. there will be more clexa in the next chapter. i'm just feeling the decreasing clexa in my dash, and the lack of new gifs and i'm a little disheartened so... i swear i'll make it up to you guys when i have my head in place again.
> 
> ok so i'm still trying to build this messy world that the 100 tried to haphazardly create, so i'm having to fix a lot of shit. this chapter was supposed to do the same.
> 
> more nightbloods in the next chapter.
> 
> aaaaand.... what's your opinion on them getting married early? HAHAHAHAHA


	6. Needs of the Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke thinks about what she lost ever since she was sent to the ground. Lexa seeks comfort after a long day of clan negotiations. And the last clan meeting before they can spend any time on their own is with a woman who... seems to want something more from Lexa.
> 
> All Clexa because the last chapter hardly had any.
> 
> WARNING: NSFW (sexual content)

There were a lot of institutionalized parts of society that Clarke never thought twice about while at the Ark which she now found herself missing whenever she thought of not having them on the ground. Having a working clock was one of them.

She gave the watch on her wrist two taps as she walked back to Lexa's and her quarters, having just sat through a lesson by one of the Polis' seasoned healers, learning about the medicine of the world she was currently living in now. She let her arm drop to her side as she thought about how useless her father's watch was on her wrist after she'd asked Raven to fix it, when the rest of the people around her didn't have the same system of time as she had. She'd never realized how standardized that form of telling time was until she was the only one with a ticking contraption, while the rest of the people around her deferred to the position of the sun. She wondered how long it will take to actually teach time telling to the whole community.

Another was reading and writing. Just the month prior, Lexa had started accepting what they were calling 'the afflicted' into Polis. They were the ones who, if they were fortunate enough to survive pregnancy, would escape the laws that commanded the death of those who were afflicted. Lexa had revealed to Clarke that she had been thinking how best to cater to the ones who have gone against all odds just to survive. It was no different to how Lexa had come to be commander, having been born with something not of her choosing, and forcing her way through obstacles to keep her life and actually take those of others.

It had taken four days of trying to talk to the new legislative body of the coalition, but Lexa was able to wrangle at least a small house for the small group of people. In any case, she wasn't even sure if there would be any who would want to stay in Polis to face the stigma. But the comfort of a home for winter convinced a few families.

So a month before winter, Lexa had sent out small groups of scouts that would gather them, settle them in before the weather got too bad for them to travel. Clarke, one of the healers who understood that the malformations were not communicable, worked with three others to check on the new arrivals. When she was told that one of them, seemingly without any disabilities, was actually deaf, Clarke had immediately asked for a pen and paper. And watched the young boy of about twelve stare blankly at the words she'd written.

It was really a good thing that she was an artist. That had led her to create a list of things that she drew so the boy would only have to point on a sheet of paper and the healers who attended to them while they were at Polis would know what he wanted. But Clarke had also deflated at how their current society was so far back because of the nuclear war almost a century ago.

There were a lot of things from the old world that had been lost, but there were also structures in society that Clarke wouldn't have thought were still in place when she first encountered the people who inhabited the ground while her own people had made a home in space.

She moved to their bathroom as she did, mechanically taking off the watch she had just been staring at, and started taking off the layers of clothes she needed to don to make up for the plummeting temperature. It still hadn't snowed, yet a little later in the year than it did the year previous, but it was no less cold leading up to skies opening up to turn their part of the earth white for just a few weeks.

She was only too thankful that one of those maintained structures was plumbing.

She entered the bathroom and sighed at seeing Lexa already in the tub, tanned skin peaking over the bubbles as she reclined to relax herself. The preparation for winter was taking its toll on them both, and during that day, Lexa more than Clarke. Clarke made quick work of shedding the last of her clothing as she moved towards the brunette.

Baths were a privilege Lexa didn't take too often. But during the winter, when water heating was more of a necessity than on any other part of the year, Lexa would take more baths than showers. It was because while the plumbing was something that was still present for the city, the water heating system was rudimentary at best, and it always needed attendants to keep the water in the pipes of the whole tower heated. Lexa didn't want her people waiting up for her on very late days, despite them not really minding, so she chose to partake in a bathing activity that was much easier to use heat in: using the tub.

Clarke bent a little to place a light kiss on top of Lexa's head, before coaxing the brunette forward so Clarke could slide in behind her, legs on either side of Lexa.

"How many bouts of _solo gonplei_ today?"

Lexa's hands that had slid up and settled themselves on top of Clarke's thighs squeezed the toned muscles there in reprimand. "That is not funny, Clarke." 

Clarke smiled a little as she bent down to place a kiss on Lexa's bare shoulder, her own hands settling on Lexa waist so her thumbs could press along the muscles adjacent to the commander's spine, tight with the tension of the day. "A little funny."

Lexa sighed at the ministrations on her body, the grip of her fingers on Clarke's hands loosening, and she sat up to give Clarke more space to massage more of back, lifting up a hand to gather her hair to one side. "Perhaps I should have sent you to deal with them instead."

"I actually offered to go, Lexa," Clarke reminded her, and laughed when Lexa only grumbled in response. She pressed the heel of her hands against the muscles just above Lexa's butt and smiled when she felt the vibrations on her hand more than heard Lexa moan, knowing the commander was trying to keep herself quiet. "There were more people to sit in on the healing session today. It was a good idea to schedule the lessons on hypothermia this week. It's only a matter of time before it starts snowing."

Lexa only hummed in response, and Clarke let her hands shift so the pads of her thumbs were the ones applying the pressure, moving in circular motions inch by inch upward, and Lexa sighed again, slumping forward. "I feel like I should be giving you more of these."

"Yes," Lexa quickly replied with no preamble, and it made Clarke laugh again, leaning forward to place a kiss in the middle of the largest circle of Lexa's tattoo that she usually traced with the tips of her fingers rather than her lips.

Clarke took her cues from how Lexa was responding to her hands, continuing her movements until she knew Lexa was pliant in front of her, no longer feeling the tension of the last coupleweeks, at least for the night. She made a mental note to try and convince Lexa to stay in bed with her until at least noon the next day to allow the commander some extra time to rest, maybe take over some of things Lexa had to do. The council of healers could do without her for a few days.

The bubbles were mostly gone when Clarke decided to let her lips work along with her hands, humming at the scent of Lexa's skin. Her touch lightened until she was barely touching the brunette, tracing scars that marked both Lexa's victories and losses, running her nails lightly over trembling muscles that were perpetually tense and taut outside of their time together.

"Clarke," the blonde heard whispered in a breathy voice, soft but not weak. Clarke felt hands squeeze her thighs again, and the next kiss she pressed unto Lexa's back was an open-mouthed one. She felt the brunette shudder, and she let her hands that had kept themselves strictly on Lexa's back slide sideward, brushing the sides of Lexa's breasts. Clarke sat up so she could press a kiss on Lexa's right shoulder blade, then the junction between shoulder and neck. Her movement made her breasts brush against Lexa's back, and Clarke felt Lexa melt against her. 

The silent consent of Lexa pressing back against her and leaning her head back and sideward to give Clarke more room to move encouraged the blonde. Her movements were slow when she finally slid her hand around Lexa to cup her breasts, while her lips settled higher, tongue peaking out to Lexa's pulse point.

It had first surprised Clarke how readily Lexa had relinquished control when they first made love, allowing the blonde to set the pace, but also mindful of how Lexa responded to her. But she was aware that Lexa only ever able to stop thinking about others during quiet moments with Clarke, in the confines of the four walls of their room, temporarily away from commander duties. It was the only time Lexa was willing to accept something that was solely hers, a part of Clarke that was solely Lexa's, and they both basked in them.

They weren't always breathy sighs and careful fingers, of course, Clarke thought in passing as her hands gently squeezed Lexa's breasts, rolling her nipples between fingertips to earn a gasp from parted lips, Lexa arching forward in pleasure. Lexa had once pressed her against the door, not bothering to take of their clothes as she slid her hand past Clarke's waistband into hot, waiting heat, coaxing a quick release from the blonde. The memory of that moment had Clarke nipping at Lexa's skin softly, but not hard enough to leave a mark for all of Polis to see.

 _"Beja, Clarke,"_ Lexa managed in between breaths and Clarke hummed, letting one of Lexa's hands guide her own from Lexa's breast lower, down quivering muscles, down her navel, to the junction of her legs. _"Beja,"_ Lexa murmured again, and Clarke obliged, realizing that Lexa seeking release this desperately was a plea for momentary oblivion.

It was after a particularly violent battle entirely too close to Arkadia, which was the intended target in the first place. What Lexa's scouts had deemed only an unusually large group of rebels was actually an army from _Ingranronakru_. Their leader was an ally, but it was autumn at the time, and the people worried for their supplies. Even after months since _The Reckoning_ some of the clans were still struggling to recover from the civil war, coupled with the conflict of the City of Light.

Winter approaching only fed people's fear for their survival, and it was enough for a significant chunk of the Plain Riders to break off from the main clan. While their leader, Pietro, tried to quell the unrest in his land, the rebels had already formed an army and their first target was the prosperous Arkadia, a settlement that was small enough to easily fend for its people, but large enough to trade goods with the other clans. The fact that a couple of clans still likened them to the mountain men only fueled the army to attack.

Pietro was only able to send two riders to warn Lexa, with the latter receiving them at the dead of night. Lexa didn't waste any time sending her warriors to intercept the attack, riding along with them with Clarke beside her. With a heavy heart, Clarke had to separate from Lexa to ride into Arkadia and collect a few people willing to fight with Lexa's army.

Lexa's army was able to easily neutralize the enemy during the first wave, but a second wave had also ridden as backup. Not expecting an organized army, Lexa's forces had faltered until the warriors from Arkadia had arrived, quickly taking out the enemy.

It was the first real battle ever since The Reckoning, and it was no less bloody. Both Lexa's and Clarke's peoples had lost people, and they had mourned them. Arkadia had welcomed what remained of Lexa's army after, a good number from what Lexa had ridden with, but the deaths of her people weighed on the commander.

Lexa had collapsed against Clarke that day, late afternoon after all their dead had been collected for the pyres they would have to set in Polis. Clarke had been ready to hold Lexa until the sun had set and rose again the next day, but it seemed Lexa was looking for a different kind of comfort, rolling Clarke unto her back when they reached their private quarters.

Lexa's eyes had been dark with despair, and her hands had been desperate for comfort. Clarke was ready to give her whatever she needed.

Clarke felt that same desperation in Lexa's hands now, the same kind of darkness in her eyes when Lexa turned her head enough to look at Clarke for a second before leaning in for a kiss. And it was with compliance, and no less love, that Clarke had slid one, then two fingers into Lexa's core, swallowing Lexa's moans as she did.

Clarke knew that Lexa had nights like this, when she needed something… more primal. When there was a frenzied fire inside her that could only be tamed by lips and tongue. She felt Lexa grind against her fingers and she pressed kisses to Lexa's neck again when the brunette pulled away from the kiss to gasp as the palm of Clarke's hand pressed against her clit. Clarke's lips settled on Lexa's shoulder, sucking on the skin.

 _"Clarke, ai-"_ Lexa's voice cut off on a cry when Clarke's fingers curled inside her.

Clarke soothed Lexa's skin with her tongue as she released it, the fingers of her one hand pinching Lexa's nipple and the other still curling and pumping inside Lexa. Her lips kissed a trail upwards to settle her lips near Lexa's ear. "Lexa…"

It wasn't long before Lexa's breaths turned to panting, and Clarke pressed an almost chaste kiss behind the brunette's ear, fingers only hastening despite her soft parted lips. _"Komba raun kom ai," Come for me_ Clarke whispered. Lexa's already parted lips widened slightly in a silent scream, her body arching away from Clarke's and into the hands that were brought her to ecstasy.

When Lexa collapsed against her, Clarke gathered the slightly taller young woman in her arms, pressed a kiss to Lexa's forehead when she curled to tuck her head under Clarke's chin sitting sideways in the relatively spacious tub. It had been a luxury Clarke had once been reluctant to use, a little like how Lexa was, but only because she was once raised to save as much resources as she could in the Ark. The state of abundance that was the ground was an entirely new experience to her, especially with the war behind them.

_"Yu gon ste." You in a while._

Clarke smiled at how informally Lexa muttered those words, still a little breathy from her orgasm. "I don't mind. You're tired, Lex."

Lexa hummed in acknowledgment, but not in agreement, nose nuzzling Clarke's skin. Clarke felt fingers start to lightly trace her skin and she sighed… but gasped halfway when those same fingers teased her nipple. She felt a smile against her skin and found her own lips lifting at the corners.

She would let Lexa have this. Then she'd hold Lexa in their room till noon the next day. The commander needed her rest.

* * *

" _Heda_. I am grateful for the time you are taking to see me and my advisers."

This was a first, Clarke thought, as she watched the woman clasp Lexa's forearm. Lexa's eyes were the same impassive green eyes as she greeted Katerina, Priestess and leader of the _Ouskejon Kru_ , currently unaccompanied by said advisers because it was already too late in the day. It was the first time Clarke was meeting her because when the couple made their rounds through the different clans after the war, it had been Lexa who stopped by the far flung clan.

She looked on now as they greeted each other, the older woman, maybe about ten years Lexa's senior, smiled with affection. She was taller than Lexa by about three inches, dark hair framing her dark eyes and sharp cheekbones. Her tanned skin was darker than Lexa's, almost bronze in the light coming from the balcony of the dining room where Lexa had set to meet the Priestess.

The support from their clan for the changes happening to the coalition wasn't as consistent as Luna's, but it was there. They had also been one of the first clans that open trade with the _Skaikru_ , encouraged by the fact that the clan actually received some of them after the descent to Earth.

Clarke tried to remember this as she watched the leader place the slender fingers of her free hand on Lexa's elbow so she could slide both her hands down Lexa's forearm to clasp Lexa's in both of hers.

It was petty, Clarke told herself, trying to squish the growing discomfort in the pit of her stomach so it wouldn't grow into something that could rear its ugly head at the older, but exceptionally beautiful leader of one of the clans most in touch with the _Trikru_. Clarke told herself that there was no reason to feel whatever it was she was feeling. This meeting had been set with Katerina for a couple of months now and it wasn't like it was a social call. It was all business.

"Polis is always open to you, Priestess Katerina," Lexa replied, completely oblivious to Clarke's internal struggle.

There was a beat before Katerina's eyes softened, her smile turned teasing. "Are we done with the official greetings, Lexa?"

Clarke barely controlled her eyebrows furrowing at that before Lexa responded, lips quirking into something that wasn't quite a smile, but also wasn't _not_ a smile, either. "It is good to see you, Ina."

Clarke observed Katerina's hand squeeze one of the younger woman's and Clarke thought she saw Lexa actually squeeze back, a rare gesture of affection coming from the usually completely impartial commander. Clarke felt her own hand twitch at her side, because _'Why is Lexa calling this woman by a nickname?'_

Clarke's thoughts were put to a rest when Lexa's hand gestured toward her and the blonde stepped forward so she was beside Lexa, standing as Lexa's equal. Katerina's eyes shifted from Clarke's… from her _what_ exactly? Clarke wondered why dealing with peace also made her able to refocus her attention to less important things. Like what Lexa's label was to her. If there even was a Trigedasleng equivalent for a girlfriend. If commanders were even allowed to have something that sounded too casual as a girlfriend. And if the people around them labelled them as anything.

And as she grasped forearms with the Priestess of the Blue Cliff Clan, Clarke wondered when she had picked up the time to start feeling jealous of a woman Lexa only ever saw maybe twice a year.

Maybe she needed a hobby.

"Welcome to Polis, Priestess Katerina." Clarke's voice managed to be neutrally welcoming, and she managed a smile despite her fears that it would come out as a grimace. This woman was obviously one of Lexa's acquaintances. While Lexa showed no favor for any clan leader, she also shifted her way of dealing with them now that they were at peace. She kept a firm hand, but she politics also came with keeping some of the leaders closer than others, if only to keep an eye on them.

"Thank you for receiving me, _Hedatu_." Katerina gave a small bow in greeting, before letting go of Clarke's hand, suspiciously without the affectionate graze and squeeze of fingers. The older woman turned back towards Lexa, hand settling above Lexa's elbow. "I do not mean to impose."

"You are not an imposition, Ina," Lexa reassured before leading the three of them towards the dining table. "How are your people taking the changes? You have sent your last rider with news of an altercation between a few families."

Katerina had kept her hand on Lexa's arm as they made the short distance towards the table, and the apparently innocent touches were already grating on Clarke's nerves. If it weren't Lexa, Clarke wouldn't even think on it. But the commander was someone who wasn't ever outwardly affectionate. Then again, Clarke hadn't ever seen anyone try and be affectionate with Lexa, either. Katerina was the first one to be this touchy, and it wasn't really by much.

Clarke would have continued to stew in her thoughts--simultaneously trying to talk herself out of finding more things to complain about, but also wanting to call out Katerina--had she not felt Lexa walk past her, leaving Katerina by her seat, to stand behind Clarke's. To slide it out for Clarke. Like she always did. Before they sat down for any kind of meal.

Feeling her shoulders relax at the familiar gesture, she raised her eyes to Lexa's who would have looked like she always did to anyone, but to Clarke, the slight twitch of Lexa's eyebrow upward made her realize that Lexa was more sensitive to her moods than Clarke thought. The blonde smiled reassuringly, murmuring a thank you to her, well, commander girlfriend.

"It has been settled," Katerina responded, having watched the commander cater to someone else's needs before her own. She kept watching as Lexa reached for the pitcher of water, Clarke placing hers beside Lexa's to be filled as Clarke sliced meat for the two of them. They looked nothing less like two people who dined together and were used to preparing shared portions of food.

Lexa gave Clarke a warm smile after the blonde placed neatly sliced pieces of meat on her plate, before looking back at Katerina. "All is well?"

Katerina blinked at Lexa, before a smile spread through her lips, shifting her gaze towards Clarke for a moment before looking back at the commander. She noted Lexa's more relaxed posture and surmised that, of course, that was because of Clarke. She gave the commander a small nod, smile still in place. "Yes, _Heda_. All is well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How I imagined post battle Lexa and Clarke http://brittanaluv.tumblr.com/post/146190641032 but they're supposed to be at Arkadia not in a tent.
> 
> Also, I guess think Diana Penty as Katerina.
> 
> Lastly, I don't have a beta. And when I've finished writing something, I don't usually read through it until a few days later. So when I post, it's usually in this level of lack of editing. So for the typos and sentence structure problems. I've noticed that sometimes my sentences don't come out as well as they should. That's because I'm writing sentence one, but my mind's already on sentence 2 and 3. :/ I'll try and remedy that.


	7. Winnes Set Raun Bakon Kom Givnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa heads the start of warrior training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Clarke this chapter, since I've been in her head the past few.
> 
> Also, this is shorter than usual, but I figured I'd lump all the Clexa interactions in the next chapter, lest I make this really long and feel like I don't have to update soon after that. I'll have the next chapter within the week, hopefully.
> 
> It's my last free week, guys, give me requests. Haha. I'll be in the hospitals next week and starting my duty.

There are only a few things that Lexa hasn't mentioned to Clarke about the culture on the ground. There was virtually nothing she would keep from the blonde, who was effectively her partner in leadership. Clarke didn't expect to lead as many people as Lexa was rallying during the war against the mountain, let alone all the families that the warriors carried on their hearts that faithful day. But Clarke had taken it in stride like she always has. And Lexa was aware that it was partly so the commander wouldn't have to bear it alone.

This, however, was something Lexa was choosing to deal with on her own.

It was the first spring of Clarke's leadership alongside Lexa and the latter had made sure that Clarke had other duties of theirs to attend to. Lexa, as she always did at this time of the year, was in a camp of warrior initiates. She was with seconds, barely old enough to be considered men and women. She wondered how many she would lose before the week was over.

The tents that were pitched in the chosen training ground weren't the most comfortable, but they were designed to mimic the tents for war, easily put up and taken down depending on the need. Even then, only the seconds who have shown promise have tents. The rest will sleep on the ground under the stars.

_"Heda."_

Lexa looked away from the preparations in front of her to Vincent, her general in charge of training new initiates. She would only need to be there at the start of the training, more for her spiritual duties than actually engaging the new recruits into training. The first week was always the one with the highest mortality rate, and it was believed that only the _Heda_ could proclaim so many peoples' fights over. It was the _Heda's_ duty to send their _keryon_ off.

She did the same when it was wartime.

 _"Ething laik ogud?" Is everything ready?_ Lexa asked, face carefully blank underneath the warpaint despite her troubled thoughts.

 _"Sha, heda. Emo laik ogud." Yes, commander. They are all ready._

With a small nod she turned towards the young men and women from the different clans who were here to be trained by Lexa's top generals. There were clans, of course, who were wary, and didn't send any of their new warriors to be trained. But the original members of the allied clans always sent theirs, even if they don't send all, just so they know the standards that the commander sets for their warriors.

But the first ritual, like most traditions of her people, were deeply rooted, and as tenuous as her hold was over the fundamentalists in the higher ranks of her leadership, she couldn't argue against implementing it still. Not this early on and not with all the changes she had decided to impose. She was already having a hard time convincing her executive body, essentially the ambassadors from the different clans, that maintaining a prison was better than immediate execution of their criminals.

And honestly, traditions surrounding the initiation of their warriors was far more important than dealing with the disgraced. This was not something Lexa could have changed. Not yet.

Knowing there was no use trying to delay their proceedings, Lexa lifted a hand in the air, commanding silence. Like a ripple, the murmurs died down from those closest to Lexa to the farthest to her. And her voice, despite not being completely raised, carried far. _"Teik oso stot au." Let us begin._

Simultaneously, more than three hundred initiates dropped to their knees. Their foreheads marked with one vertical line from the tip of their nose all the way to the back of their neck of their own blood. When Lexa spoke again, her voice took on a air of foreboding. _"Gon jus, oso wada oson rein klin kom kwelen. Keryon na sad daun rein op." Through blood, we cleanse our ranks of the weak. The spirits will choose the worthy._

Lexa studied the faces of her people, her children. The children of parents who knew the honor of having a warrior in their families. Parents who knew that sending their children to be initiates would involve agreeing to the _cleansing_ and they might not see their children anymore, either because they've chosen a life of a warrior, or because they were not chosen by the spirits to serve their people that way.

Honestly, Lexa had hoped that there would be fewer people to train, what with peace already lasting more than a year, the longest since the birth of the new world. But the traditions of her people have all they had ever known for several generations of families, and it was difficult to change their ways.

_"Winnes set raun bakun ko givnes." Victory stands on the back of sacrifice._

Those last words from the commander of the blood signaled the release of nine war prisoners, to equal the number of novitiates during the incumbent commander's conclave. It represented the number of people who could be sacrificed, as the nightblood have been sacrificed for the people of the coalition. It also represented the number of people the commander had the right to offer as expendable, without breaking their mantra of _jus drein, jus daun_. The value of sacrifice transcended the most brutal law of her people. Lexa held on to that as she watched the nine people walk around the camp.

By the next day, based on the previous _cleansing_ , roughly a third of the initiates would be dead.

* * *

It took four hours before the first of them started coughing, a half hour after that for a few to lose consciousness. It was sooner than they expected, but that also meant it was going to end much sooner. There was always a batch that was more affected, because the virus affected different individuals and different sets of people in unique ways. Lexa was fortunate enough to witness her first _cleansing_ with more than three quarters of the initiates surviving. The usual was about forty-five to sixty out of a hundred.

There were a few other factors involved. The smarter the initiates, the faster they recognize that if they help each other out--try and bring down the temperature of those who develop fever, put those who started coughing blood into the recovery position to clear the lungs--the more of them would survive. It would simulate adverse situations during wartime when warriors would need to be each other's clutch, first line of support when the others were injured. Lexa was aware that there was a tight-lipped policy about what happened in the _cleansing_ and that initiates didn't know that while being tough was a good trait for a warrior, a single strong warrior can't win a battle.

There was a reason this was the first test.

Lexa, despite knowing that the commander wasn't supposed to interfere and that she was supposed to wait until the initiates figured it out on their own, had moved to the front of her future _gona_ when she had sarted to lose count of the people dying during her first _cleansing_.

_"Won gona nou teik gonakru." One warrior does not make an army._

The effect was immediate, like her words were a switch for the realization of the initiates that for more of them to survive, they would have to work together. She had angered the council, then, and they had threatened to nullify the entire process for the year, but it had been the _cleansing_ with the most number of survivors. It had been her first defiance of tradition that had ultimately led up to unifying the clans.

She had started to be known as an idealist, a visionary after that one action. She had lived up to it by fighting her way to peace, killing a few to save the many. She was still clutching stubbornly to it, even as the principles of war had stopped applying to the prevalence of freedom among her people. And it was only because she had broken too many traditions already that she had to carefully choose which to keep and which to change while she eased a new people, the _Skaikru_ into her coalition. There had to be a compromise. And the _cleansing_ was a part of it.

She looked through the initiates now and she repeated the words she'd unintentionally made a tradition during her first year as commander as she watched the first person start to cough blood, knowing it meant that the disease had started to seep through his lungs already.

_"Won gona nou teik gonakru." One warrior does not make an army._

* * *

The generals she had appointed to oversee stood in the periphery of the area they have chosen. Night has fallen, and despite the sickness, there was a need to hunt. Lexa's generals were really only there to keep track of the initiates, to make sure whoever stepped out to form a hunting party would come back. To make sure everyone contracted the biological weapon so whenever it was used on their army, Lexa's warriors would be immune.

Lexa pursed her lips as she thought about the significantly decreased numbers. Already, more than twenty had died, and mind sickness had taken over a few that the still healthy had had to restrain. She lifted her chin as she watched over the bodies that had been lined up. They would have to be burned where they were, not wanting to infect their respective villages if the bodies were to be transported back to their families.

The commander would still need to hold a ceremony for the families, for the comfort of the living instead of the dead. Candles will be lit, a symbolic gesture of leading the _keryon_ home, before the declares their fight over for the second time, now in front of family. Then the _keryon_ were believed to journey to their next lives. Their next fight.

Lexa dared to hope that they would want more than to be reincarnated into another life of fighting.

She would die in her own lifetime trying to ensure that the children grow up without the perils of war hovering over their heads.

Lexa only nodded when it was murmured to her that her meal was ready, a handful of handmaidens having ventured into the far off land with her. It was more out of duty of her people that Lexa had let them come. She usually didn't allow civilians in her travels. But in her effort to offer compromise, she had started to let those assigned to her actually serve her, when in the past she had refused to be waited on.

With a brisk order to Indra to take charge while she ate dinner, knowing she would be the last to do so as she had let her generals consume theirs earlier, Lexa followed one of the handmaidens to her tent. On the way there, Lexa thought about Clarke, and the blonde had only nodded thoughtfully when Lexa had asked for Clarke to send her a few healers to the site of the training camp after day three. It was to be a three-week activity. The healers would stay in camp until it was over.

Clarke had asked why Lexa wasn't taking healers with her from the first day. Lexa knew she had been cryptic when she replied that the physical training would start only on the third day. Clarke had nonetheless agreed to send some of her people, plus a few trainees. Lexa had then asked Clarke about meeting Katerina two days before Lexa was set to leave. Lexa had made sure Clarke would be busy so she wouldn't look for Lexa.

She sat down in front of the table that had been prepared for her, thanking the young women who had volunteered to accompany her as a couple of them stayed a few feet away, ready to tend to her needs. They were too young, Lexa noted.

While the coalition had only been at peace for a while, there were always a few people who weren't quite used to the violence that came with their laws, laws that were borne out of necessity due to the war. They both looked pale, and Lexa made it a point to finish her dinner quickly so she could send them away to their tents. They would not be able to see the dying, but Lexa lamented the fact that there would be no way to block out the screams of pain.

She ducked her head as she finished her meal, lifting a piece of cloth to wipe her lips with. As she did, she wondered if leading with Clarke had unearthed her humanity which she had vehemently tried to push back into the depths of her head to be able to lead ruthlessly during war. For a while she thought she'd lost it, losing parts of her heart and her mind to keep her sanity intact despite all the carnage of the war, part of which she knew, she caused.

Sometimes she thought, she was gaining back parts of it. Quiet moments with Clarke had always had the effect of putting her at ease. Her time with the Nightbloods reassured her that she sometimes helped people grow, and not simply device ways of effectively destroying villages, cities, entire populations who had been against her. The small amount of time she spend catering to her people in Polis, made her feel like she was taking care of people instead of ending their fights.

But then she stood in front of dying men, like now, and she wondered if there really was any way to bring back parts of her, the parts of her childhood that had loved Costia, parts of her that had clung to Anya when she was chosen to be second as the last part of Nightblood training, parts of her that had grown fond of some of her generals, Gustus, Indra. Two of those four were already dead, and it only worked to destroy more and more of what she had been.

And it was just as well, as Titus words, familiar in their repetition but foreign since Clarke had stubbornly planted herself beside Lexa, _"Gon ste Heda laik gon ste soulou."_

Lexa allowed herself a second to close her eyes and think about how Clarke's presence had changed that. And she was only ever afforded that second.

_"Heda._

She opened her eyes to meet those of one of her generals assigned to the periphery. They were only supposed to leave their post by shifts, and Lexa made it a point to know who was supposed to be where at all times.

_"Yu ste geda au, komjen." You are out of post, general. _Lexa collected her hands behind herself and lifted her chin, her look questioning.__

_"Tofon don gyon op, Heda." A complication has arisen, Commander._ Malik, the general, lifted a hand to gesture sideward, pointing towards one of the initiates held between two of Malik's subordinates.

Lexa followed the direction he was pointing and she had to work not to show any kind of reaction as seeing the face of the initiate, who looked older than most young men and women there. He looked worse for wear, which was a surprised for Lexa, given that she had heard that Anya had sent this virus to weaken the _Skaikru_ , as per the their protocols of dealing with unknown threats, before sending three hundred warriors to attack what Clarke had called the Dropship.

She walked closer to the Sky Person, face carefully blank, and she was surprised that he ducked his head in surrender.

"Bellamy Blake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you want to happen. Or if you have one shots you want written out. While I have tiiiiiiime.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I'll just make this a universe and add chapters or make a series as how I feel it should go.


End file.
